Sometimes this job makes me angry. I think sometimes it's myself I'm angry at. Sometimes, I let things happen here that shouldn't happen here, because I have no spine. I can't stand up to an employee that wants to break the rules, especially if they try to argue with me about it. For instance, just as I was finishing the previous hockey blog, an employee walked in and came to the security desk. She told me that her son was outside and was going to come in and be with her in the mail room. This is a problem because people really aren't supposed to have visitors here for an extended period of time. (Now that I think of it, this really isn't a problem because the kid is gonna be with the mama when he's here (presumably) and there for, this is legal.) But when she says "my son is here, can you let him in?" and I say "no, he's not allowed in here." And she says "Why not? He was allowed last time!" So I look at her with anger, as if to say with my facial expression that I'm not impressed with her and I open the side door to let the kid in. What the fuck people. Some of the employees here just have no clue what the rules are. No idea. And I know they should know, because they have been told before. But what we all must remember, at all times is that people are stupid, in general. Basically, what it all boils down to is that I have a hard time honestly caring about my job. I have a grand idea about doing the right thing, following the rules, and being the best officer on this site. But really, I find it hard to be motivated to do the right thing here. It's freezing over here, I get paid for shit, and it's full or morons. It's exactly what I was looking for, as far as distance from my home, level of physical work to be done and level or "responsibility," but does this job make me happy? Nope...I don't think any job will ever make me happy. To have a job that makes me happy, I would have to take a leap, and I'm just not motivated enough to change my current situation, and I doubt I ever will be.
***section removed to protect the names of the Innocent.***
I'm a little pissed off this morning. Just so you know.
###update###
So as I was finishing the blog, reading it over and spell-checking it, someone came to the door that forgot their badge, which happens all the time. When they forget their badge, I let them in and sign them out a temp one. When she said she forgot hers, I just said over the phone, "alright..." like in a low voice like I was not happy about it, which is about what I usually do when that happens. Well when she came around to the desk to get the temp, she says to me "You did'nt have to say it like that." And that just made me feel like a total jackass. I apologized, but I know I was not a very nice person to her. Fuck today, can I go back to bed please?
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