Daddy Problems

Remember what life was like before kids?  I do.  I remember clearly.  I remember being able to do stuff (if I had the money, that is) whenever I/we wanted.  I enjoy going to Triple A baseball games.  I would love to be able to just go with my wife, buy a few beers, get in late, sleep in and not take care of kids.  Please please don't take this the wrong way.  I love my kids.  There are people who would love to be in the position I'm in, with a family and the family life.  I don't want to bitch about having a pretty amazing life right now.  It's just that sometimes, I miss the freedom of not having kids.  Is that so bad?

I was thinking this as I cooked breakfast this morning, what it would be like if I didn't have kids?  Why didn't I take advantage of the time before I had these little kids.  How many times did I choose to not do stuff when I could have, and now I would love to but can't?  Then I looked into the living room and saw Miles sitting in his bouncy seat snoozing and Evie sitting on her knees watching Curious George on the TV and realized that even if I can't go out and do stuff like other adults I know, I have these amazing kids that are truely a blessing.  I'll take the trade off.  Even now, as I'm writing this post, I had to put Evie down for her nap, as she carried her stuffed Mickey Mouse that's almost the same size as she is, we laid her down and covered her up.  Such a cutie and a sweetie. How could I wish for a life without her?  And Miles is right now laying on the floor by himself, eating the back of his hand, bending back and almost rolling over...at eight weeks old.  So proud of this little guy.  He's getting so big.  He's so good, he only cries when he's supposed to cry, like when hes' hungry or wet or uncomfortably positioned...How could I wish for a life with out him?

So maybe I can't go the the baseball game tonight?  Is that the end of the world?  No, it's not.  Life without my kids?  That would be the end of my world.

With that being said, anyone wanna babysit?  There's this baseball game I want to take my wife to...

Thursday, Just Like Wednesday

Sometimes I feel guilty having my daughter take naps all day.  I mean, who want's to sleep the entire day away, anyway?  But she needs naps to function and be happy.  I just feel strange after she slept all night, then put her down for a nap like, 2-3 hours later.  Well, whatever makes her happy, I suppose.

We drove by a house that is for rent yesterday, because our lease is up at the end of October in our current apartment.  If we were going to move, now is the time to start looking.  We are not in position to buy the house of our dreams at this time, but if we could rent a house for cheaper than what we're currently paying in rent in this tiny apartment, than we should look around and see what's available.  Our time is a bit short, but we didn't want to look for apartments or houses way before our current lease was up. The thought of moving hadn't even crossed my mind, and the thought of it makes me feel all weird inside.  What if we lived in a completely different part of the city?  Would that totally change my perspective of this wonderful place?

Speaking of apartments, I tried something last night.  You see, when it's getting late, my lovely wife goes to bed and I stay awake and play hockey on the PS3.  Every night, she sets the thermostat to 73 when she goes to bed, and this makes the house very frigid.  I usually have to put on warm pants and a hooded sweatshirt while she sleeps so I don't freeze my balls off.  Last night, I turned down the thermostat, but I only put it to 74.  It still got very cold in here, but I couldn't tell the difference.  When we woke up this morning, my lovely wife asked "Did you turn the thermostat all the way down?  It's hot in here."  "Yes I did." I responded, amazed that she could tell the difference, which was one degree.  Can't put anything past this one.   

Posts About Babies: Routine

Alright, so we have officially established the ever-important routine!  Yes, things in our home life were put on shuffle a few weeks ago, and there was a bit of an adjusting period that needed to happen, for sure.  I only work on the weekends, and I'm off all week long so I can stay home with baby while Mama is at work, making the real money.  I took a cut in hours, but either way, someone had to watch the baby, and either I take the pay cut or we pay some stranger to watch our precious.  I'd rather be the one in charge. I'm her dad and I should be the one to do it.

The pay cut thing hasn't effected us yet because I haven't received a "new normal" check as of this writing, so I don't even know what to expect once that "new normal" check arrives.  I'll find out on Friday, I think.  I don't remember when I worked overtime and when the pay period started and ended and all that, so I don't know.  Like I said, I'll find out on Friday.

But as I started in the opening line, after all the changes, we have now established routine, which is very essential to keeping a happy baby.  Babies are pretty easy if you listen to experts.  Just make sure she eats, plays then naps.  Some naps are long and deep and awesome for dad.  Some are short, and I have to walk on eggshells (not literally, that's gross) to make sure she doesn't wake up.  But when she gets her good nap in, oh man talk about happy baby.  Nothing in the entire world beats a happy baby.  So anything I can do to make a happy baby happen, I will do it.  She likes to be held in front of the big mirror we have in her nursery, and we ask her different questions that she physically can't answer yet, because she is a baby.  But she smiles and giggles, and I don't care what anyone says, that's the best thing in the entire world.  I live for the baby giggle.

So Monday through Friday I am a stay at home dad and on the weekends I would categorize myself as "unavailable."  My weekends from about 6 p.m. on Friday until 2 p.m. on Sunday I am sleep/work/sleep/work/tired. Then it's put baby to sleep, wake up, feed her, bring mama to work, feed her some more.  Nap.  Feed.  Nap.  Oh and diaper changes in between all of it.  I can do this easy.   I'm just glad I can find time to write here, too.  That's why baby naps are so awesome.  Also, when she naps I get to play NHL 11.  This is important above most other things. 

Posts About Babies: Babality

Sub-Zero Wins

Call her what you want, weather it's Beauty, Cutie, Cutie with a booty, Chicken, Monkey, Little one, or The Littlest One, she's my daughter, and I love her dearly.

I realized that I had hardly even mentioned my beauty of a daughter in a blog post in months.  Um, why?  She's the most important thing to me ever.  She is my life!  She is so wonderful.  Maybe I'm afraid it'll just turn into a gushfest, like it's currently doing?  Yes.  She is wonderful, but every parent says that about their child.  Duh, dude.  Of coarse I feel that way.  She's my frickin' offspring.  I created life!  She is it!  Wow!

So about all that miracle talk, it's true.  It's unbelievable.  How did I do that?  Well, I know how I physically did it, but you know, little old me, creating life.  What?

You hear all these things come out of mouths of parents all the time and they mean absolutely nothing until you are a parent yourself.  I tried to imagine, and I could honestly understand where the person was coming from when they would say it, but you don't know what that actually feels like until you experience it for yourself.

I'm not going to make this any longer than this.  Just know that I'm a happy father.  She is outstanding!  She is Superb.  She is everything else Sho Khan says during a fight in Mortal Kombat.

Babality.  

Posts About Babies: She's Here

I have hesitated to jump back into this thing, because I know what I want to write will be lengthy as hell.  I want to go through the entire story of how little baby Evelyn got born on Thursday, April 28th, but man, I just haven't found the time.  I have a moment here to stop by and say that things are going great here, but it's been busy, like I said before.

They said you won't sleep when you have a newborn, but I'd have to say that hasn't totally been the case thus far.  No, she sleeps pretty good, even if we have to wake up only twice during the night.  Apparently, that's pretty good.  I wouldn't know, this is the first time I've done this, obviously.  Most of the things that have been going on have been tweeted, and I'm 99.9% sure that everyone that reads this thing also follows me there.  If you don't, man, you really should.

So, basically she was born via C-section at 10:46 a.m. on last Thursday.  She came out beautiful and stayed that way.  Seriously, she is adorable.  She is the cutest thing I've ever seen.  When she was born, she started crying before I could see her, and my eyes were as big as saucers.  I couldn't believe she was finally here.  When the let me see here, I nearly fell over from the emotion of everything.  I was scared, happy, nervous and excited in one ball of emotion, helped along by the fact that I hadn't slept in 27 hours, or whatever.  None of my sleeplessness problems were evident when she looked in my general direction when they were cleaning her up on that table in the operating room.  Nothing.

She sleeps.  She eats.  She craps.  She cries.  This is my life right now.  Currently, at this late hour, mom is trying to make her stop crying as she puts her into her swing.  Even though she is upset, and I want to make that crying stop, there is no sweeter sound to me than her crying voice.  Nope, none.

So my new life has finally arrived.  Having a little girl has been pretty damn cool, if I must say so.  So with that, I gotta go make a crying baby stop doing just that.  

Posts About Babies: Due Date

It has finally arrived.  It's April 17th, the date I have been telling people about for around seven months now is here.  When I would say the date when I first learned of it's significance, it seemed like it was ages away.  Well, it's here now, and there is no baby yet.  I didn't think we'd make it this far.  I figured she'd come early, as some first born kids tend to do.  But no, she's comfortable in there, I guess.

My mom told me I was a month overdue.  Maybe this is why she won't come out?  She is obviously my child, as she doesn't want change to happen.  I hate change.  I like routine.  I guess she does too.  But just because I understand, doesn't mean I like it.

No, she needs to be born now.  We're just sitting here, waiting.  Our mothers are calling twice a day, checking in, seeing how my wife is doing.  Any minute now...

The pregnancy went by so fast, I can only imagine how quickly she will grow up.  I've heard of parents saying that before you know it, the kid is in High School, and you're wondering what happened to that little baby you had not all that long ago.  Because I know this, I'm going to make sure I cherish every minute of when she's little.  You can't get it back, so enjoy it while you can.  Before I know what hit me, she'll be asking to borrow the car and shit.  So, I'd like to get the memories started, damn it.

When she is born, this blog will fall silent for a minute, I imagine.  I'll try to update, but what does it matter if I do?  I'll be tweeting anyway.  If something needs to be further explained, I'll come here.  Until then, read on, my friends.  Hopefully this is the last Post About Babies that is about my pregnant wife.  Though you just never know just how stubborn she will be.  

Posts About Babies: The Waiting Game

Put baby here

Waiting.  And more waiting.  That's what the wife and I are up to now.  We're just waiting for it to happen.  The due date is now eight days away.  Somehow, the countdown has gotten into the single digits and to be honest, it still doesn't feel like it's an "any minute" situation.  It still feels like it's ages away, although it really, really isn't.  I'm preparing by telling everyone around me that it's any minute now, but I don't even believe that.  But it's true.  My wife could call me at any moment and say "it's happening right now, let's go."

I'm ready.  Everyone is asking us if we're ready, but how can you say if you're really ready for your first child to be born?  We're as ready as we are going to be at this point.  Now, we just wait.  We got all the things an expectant parents can have ready.  We have the crib, swing, bouncer, car seat, stroller, and changing pad all set up in the apartment.  We have all her clothes folded and put away.  We have the hospital bag packed and in the trunk.  We had the car seat inspected by the Metro Nashville Police Department. All we need now is a little one to fill it.  I'm so excited to meet her.  But this wait, it's just killing me. I want to go to the hospital, damn it.  Come on, Evie.  Let's do this thing already.  

Posts About Babies?: The Sellers Market

What can I sell next?  That is the question.  You see, last Saturday, I got home from work, and started taking pictures of some jerseys I have in my closet.  These are jerseys I never wear, yet are pretty sweet items that I'm sure someone out there would want.  So, I took pictures of them and posted them for sale on the legendary auction site eBay.  I have bought things on eBay before, but never sold anything, so I was excited to see that people were "viewing" my items.  Then came the bids.  I have one bid, the minimum amount, on each of the two jerseys I have up for auction. That means they're sold, essentially. The final amounts will be settled when the auctions close at approximately 3:00 p.m. this afternoon. The money I will make will probably be low, and the hassle will probably be not worth it in the long run, but you know what?  This is starting me out on a new path.  What else can I sell?

Now, I know what I like and what I would be interested in buying on eBay.  There are thousands of things up for sale and auction on that website, and most listings I just don't trust.  Not that I think everyone on there has become a scam artist, but it looks like a lot of folks have found a way to make a buck off unsuspecting web surfers via a large, trusted site like eBay.  I don't want to deceive people, I just want to sell some things and make a buck or two.  It's not really about the money for me anymore, though that's not to say it's not about the money at all, either.  This is exciting.  I believe it's also my natural instinct to try to better myself in preparation on the newest member of the family.  But you see, I can't just throw any old thing up for sale on eBay.  I have to have confidence that someone else out there would be willing to pay money for it.  I also have to be willing to part with it, whatever it is.  It's that balance I'm trying to find, and I'm looking around the apartment for that balance.

I know I would buy a jersey off eBay, because I have before.  I know that if I was willing to buy something like that off there, someone else probably would as well.  Well, I only have so many jerseys that I'm willing to part with, and those are currently up for auction.  So that's no longer an option.  It's not worth my time to sell CD's on there because I promise I could sell them back to the used record shops around town and make a better profit, and it's less hassle as far as shipping and what not.  Plus it's instant transaction at the record stores.  So, I'll be doing that again, as I did back in December.

Why do I want to sell everything?  I don't even know.  My friend Cindy says it's perfectly natural, and I would have to agree, but to just be randomly compelled to go out and hawk my shit to strangers, this is so unlike me.  But the important thing is, I'm having fun.  I got big dreams of a secondary income from selling shit to people on a regular basis.  I just have to find that balance of supply and demand.  What in my supply will people demand?

Posts About Babies: The Train at the Epoch

I had a dream the other night.  In the dream, I was on a train, talking to someone I knew, but I don't know who it was now.  But in the dream, I knew them well.  They were telling me about something, but I don't remember the words now, either.  I remember that I knew exactly what they were saying to me, even though they had gotten something wrong, I knew what they meant when they said it. Like I said, I don't remember the specifics, but I remember it being remarkably clear to me at the time.  As the train rolled along somewhere on earth, somewhere that looked like everywhere, while looking completely like no where in particular, the train went off it's tracks and slid on a cliff side.  This train was one of those cargo trains that have the big sliding door along the side of the car, one you would see vagabonds and hobos traversing the countryside in.  Well, the train was off the tracks and on the edge of the cliff, and I was looking straight down the approximately 20-foot drop.  The car leaned off the edge of the cliff and as heading towards the ground.  I believe it crashed, and it probably would have maimed or killed me if it really happened.  I awoke upon the crash to the ground, and was immediately aware and taken aback at how realistic the dream was.  I managed to fall back asleep, but this was one of those dreams that when I finally woke up, I was drawn back to it.  What does it all mean?  Don't vivid dreams like this mean something?

My interpretation of it, is that this train is a metaphor for my life.  It's rolling along, on track.  A train can only go to it's destination, so you obviously know where the end will be and everything is under control.  The train flying off it's tracks and falling off a cliff is my fear that this life won't go as I thought it would.  It's my deep-rooted fear of what's about to happen with the baby coming.  I don't have that fear in my conscious self, but apparently I have the fear somewhere because I dreamed this.   Obviously having a baby is a big deal and a huge responsibility.  I feel like I'm ready for it, or as ready as any unsuspecting and untrained father-to-be can be.  Believe me, I've been warned enough by everyone nearly every day that everything will change significantly in the very near future, but they also say it's all for the better and I will be forever changed in a good way come April 17th-ish.  But I have no clue.  I have never experienced what they say is so monumental of a moment.  It's this fear of the unknown, the uncertainty of the very, very near future that caused that train to derail in my dream.

Am I afraid of fatherhood?  Maybe a little.  In the age of information, I can read about what to do as a parent until my face turns blue, but it won't tell me everything.  Maybe my fear is that my instincts (which I feel are still  pretty imature) won't tell me to do the right thing.  I'm not sure, but I know the dream was significant.  I think it means what I think it means.  There is not much I can do to control this, so I have to just not worry so much, I guess.  I think it'll be alright.  I think.

Posts About Babies: The Russian Doll

******************So the crazy thing about Blogger, is that it's a site that you use to make blogs and such.  Well it's crazy because I try to do the simplest thing, and the dumb fucking thing just goes ahead and deletes everything I wrote and saved.  Then saves that blank post, without me telling it to save, therefore, deleting what I wrote a few hours ago.  It's gone.  It's just...gone.  No recovering it.  Now I'm pissed off.  

The title was left untouched, as was the last paragraph I had written, which I have now deleted as well, but this time, on purpose.  I was trying to insert a funny picture with a caption, and it must have highlighted all the text when I went to delete the caption.  But why on earth did it save it that way without asking me?  Fuck you, Blogger.  Right in the ass. Now on to my second attempt to write what I just wrote, a few hours ago.*****************

Sort of like this

My wife is carrying a baby inside her, and it's pretty crazy.  It's a human being, but I can't really communicate with it yet.  The gravity of the situation has yet to really, really take hold, but I'm more aware everyday that she is clearly right there, and I can touch her, sort of.

You see, the other night, baby was giving mama a fit by laying in a way that was very uncomfortable for mama.  I'm pretty sure this will be a regular occurrence now because she keeps getting bigger and bigger, while mama basically stays the same size.  She was positioned up high, and I could tell because when my wife laid down, I could feel her sticking out near the ribcage area.  It was really hard and was sticking out pretty far.  Then, all of a sudden, she moved and the part that was sticking out was gone.  Further proof that there is a person in there.

It's like one of those Russian dolls, where they stack inside each other.  I want to put my wife into an even bigger person, just because that's funny.  

Anyway, that's all.  That's basically what I wrote before, only it was way better last time.  To bad you'll never know how awesome it was.  Because it's gone forever now.  

Posts About Babies: Upon Request

"You haven't posted about babies since December 5th" says my lovely wife. What can I say? I got distracted by music, per usual. Anyway, I want to give a quick update from here, saying that all is well. We had another ultrasound right before Christmas, and all looked well. We had an appointment with a midwife, and all she said was "you're having an uncomplicated pregnancy, see you next time."

On the comedy front, I have created a Twitter account for the unborn child of mine, named Wombkicker. You can follow her, and know what she's up to on a more regular basis than I am obviously able to maintain here. Right now, my fingernails are making more contact with the keys than my fingertips are, and that's annoying me, so I'm just going to end this here.

Nothing new, just wanted to say hey, all is well.

Posts About Babies: Name It

Now, for those of you paying attention, the name of this blog post has already been used before, even though the auto-fill option on this computer did not recognize it. It's true, I was looking for a name for the "Posts About Babies" series, and landed on the working title anyway, but that's not the point. The point is that this is no repeat. This is all new! Now, if you weren't paying attention, than this explanation was actually not needed, and you can carry on with reading the actual post...

We are naming our baby girl Evelyn. I was totally convinced that this was the best choice, with the sweetest meaning we could come up with, but I wanted to run it by my Dad first. You see, when we were thinking of names, we were going through our parents and grandparents names to see if any were a good fit, in a way to honor our families. My grandmothers names were Betty and Evelyn. We both liked Evelyn, and thought it would make my dad happy, and who doesn't want to do that, anyway? Not that making my dad happy was the actual, main motive here, but we thought it would be an nice touch. Part of me thought that my mom would feel weird about it, as my parents are divorced, and, well, you know. I believe I've heard stories about how my grandmother (Evelyn) was not a big fan of my mother when they were dating/married or something. Therefore, calling her first grandchild a name of her former mother-in-law might be a little strange for her. The key part for me/her/us to remember is THIS IS NOT HER, AND THIS IS OUR CHILD. Yes, I just got capital on your ass, and yes I just got real defensive. Not sure exactly why, but nonetheless...

I wanted to run the name by my father as well, because, after all, this was his mothers name. I asked him on Thanksgiving day about how he would feel, and he said "Well, she hated that name..."

Ugh... Now what? I mean, I know we all called her Nina, but I figured that was just like, a grandma name, ya know? I guess I didn't realize there was more to it. So while I was formerly convinced that Evelyn was the name, no question, I was now, in fact, questioning it. There was no reason to question it, however, because this is my child. This is our child, me and my wife. She absolutely loved the name, and wasn't budging. So that's what we're going with. That's her name.

Mom, if you don't like it, just call her Evie. That's what I'm going to do most of the time anyway. You aren't my only parent. Sorry. I know you were "there" for me because I lived with you, and no one does more for me than you do and I love you very much. But I also love my father, and I had a grandmother whom I loved as well, even if I didn't know her all that well. Her name was Evelyn. My daughter's name is Evelyn. I love you, even if you hate my child's name, but won't actually say it. I understand.

Posts About Babies: He's a She

It's the weekend! And you know what that means? Here I am blogging away. Let's get to it, shall we?

The last time we talked, I was ranting and raving about getting kicked out of my band by my "friend." Since then I have jammed out with other friends in what will most likely be a part time thing, not necessarily a full time band. Not ideal, but it's what I got right now. I will not be stopped as far as making music. In fact, I would be playing a gig tonight with my boy Sean, had the venue not closed this week. Strangely enough, the gig was with my old band. I should say, our old band, actually. That was going to be interesting, to say the least.

Since I wrote a real post, I have found out that my little baby that is growing inside my wife right now will be in Girl flavor. I was hoping for boy, as I am a boy and I know what to expect throughout life as a boy. Girls, not so much. Girls are complicated beings, and I will probably never understand them. I have tried, like many others in the history of humankind, only to fail miserably as all else have done before me. So raising a girl, telling her what to expect? It'll be interesting. I mean, for a while, she'll be just like any other child. The milestones are the same, regardless of gender for a while. It's when she's older, that when experiences start to separate a bit. Boys get boners. Girls get...periods? What the hell am I supposed to do then?

MOM! HELP!

Anyway, I'm happy to know what she is. I feel like I know her a bit more now. I can't wait to meet her. Ever since I know that she's a girl, and I saw the latest ultrasound as it happened, I know that she has bones and kidneys and kicks and punches my wife's innards all day, and the whole thing seems so much more tangible and real now. She's in the room with us, instead of that other person that will be around eventually. She's basically here. I can feel her. Things have changed. It's not about my band anymore, at all. It's not about me. I never wanted it to not be about me anymore, but now that it is, that's okay. I want the best for her. This is a big fuckin' deal. She's not a little parasite leaching my wifes nutrients anymore. She's Evelyn.

Yes, I just had to Google the spelling of my own daughter's/grandmother's name.

For more on the name choice, stay tuned to this blog!!!! Put me in your Google Reader! Never miss a post!

Posts About Babies: Eating for Two

Here's my problem. I live with a pregnant woman. And as you may know, pregnant women eat a lot more than regular women. That shouldn't mean that I have to eat more food, but when the person I'm married to eats all the time, so do I. It's just the way it works, I guess. She needs to eat a snack, I do to. Therefore, I'm eating a lot more often, and it often happens to be food that's not exactly healthy. This is my choice, and I'm just a weakling who wants to eat delicious food, without really thinking about the consequences.

Well, as it tends to happen, when you increase your calorie intake, you also increase your waistline. This is happening. I see it in my reflection. I'm gaining weight at an alarming rate, and I don't really have the motivation to counter the calorie intake with exercise, even though I know that must be done if I want to keep my chiseled bod in tact. For some reason, I just don't care.

But I do care, or else I wouldn't be writing this post right now. So now I have to concentrate on either cutting my ridiculous intake of food, or start walking my ass to the fitness center. I can't get super fat. I just can't let myself get to that point. Because shit rolls down hill, and it's so hard to get back to where you once were. We Americans are so good at putting weight on, because it's so easy. We have some really convenient choices in food, that also happen to taste awesome, but also will put pounds on you. I need to start thinking about it again.

I don't have to eat for two, but I am anyway.

Posts About Babies: Required Reading

So I decided to go with Posts About Babies as the running title of the posts about the pregnancy. Why the hell not? No one suggested one, and I can't think of anything else, so go with that.

Last night, I almost lost a limb at the hand of a pregnant woman. Not that I felt that she would actually harm me, but I couldn't believe how quickly she turned on me. She was on the phone with her mother, and there was a dog on a couch cushion in between her and her glass of ice water. She politely asked me if I could get up and grab it for her, which I got up and did. When I grabbed the water glass off the table, I took a sip of it, and she ANGRILY whispered to me "Give me that water I'm really thirsty and all I want is that water."

Woah.

Where did that come from? One minute she was fine, next she was whisper-yelling at me. I suppose that happens with this pregnancy thing. According to my book, this is normal.

I got caught up on my book this morning, The Expectant Father. The book goes month by month, so that makes it easier to read because I only have to read a chapter a month. The thing is, it's not really telling me anything I couldn't have figured out myself at this point anyway. Basically it says "don't be an asshole, don't worry if you feel left out, try to stay involved and educated. Also, talk about stuff you are going through with your wife as well as with other people who've been through this already." Yeah, I got it. I do that. I'm that kind of person anyway. Though, I'll keep reading it, even if I don't really feel like I need to. It's not going to hurt anything, right? I'm sure I will some things from the book.

So that's what I deal with, getting whisper-yelled-at, and all in all, it's not bad for me. I feel really bad for my wife, because she is going though all this, and I just want her to feel good. There's nothing I can do about this, but according to the book, that's normal, and I will experience that feeling for a while. I guess I learned that. So that's good.