Posts About Babies: The Train at the Epoch

I had a dream the other night.  In the dream, I was on a train, talking to someone I knew, but I don't know who it was now.  But in the dream, I knew them well.  They were telling me about something, but I don't remember the words now, either.  I remember that I knew exactly what they were saying to me, even though they had gotten something wrong, I knew what they meant when they said it. Like I said, I don't remember the specifics, but I remember it being remarkably clear to me at the time.  As the train rolled along somewhere on earth, somewhere that looked like everywhere, while looking completely like no where in particular, the train went off it's tracks and slid on a cliff side.  This train was one of those cargo trains that have the big sliding door along the side of the car, one you would see vagabonds and hobos traversing the countryside in.  Well, the train was off the tracks and on the edge of the cliff, and I was looking straight down the approximately 20-foot drop.  The car leaned off the edge of the cliff and as heading towards the ground.  I believe it crashed, and it probably would have maimed or killed me if it really happened.  I awoke upon the crash to the ground, and was immediately aware and taken aback at how realistic the dream was.  I managed to fall back asleep, but this was one of those dreams that when I finally woke up, I was drawn back to it.  What does it all mean?  Don't vivid dreams like this mean something?

My interpretation of it, is that this train is a metaphor for my life.  It's rolling along, on track.  A train can only go to it's destination, so you obviously know where the end will be and everything is under control.  The train flying off it's tracks and falling off a cliff is my fear that this life won't go as I thought it would.  It's my deep-rooted fear of what's about to happen with the baby coming.  I don't have that fear in my conscious self, but apparently I have the fear somewhere because I dreamed this.   Obviously having a baby is a big deal and a huge responsibility.  I feel like I'm ready for it, or as ready as any unsuspecting and untrained father-to-be can be.  Believe me, I've been warned enough by everyone nearly every day that everything will change significantly in the very near future, but they also say it's all for the better and I will be forever changed in a good way come April 17th-ish.  But I have no clue.  I have never experienced what they say is so monumental of a moment.  It's this fear of the unknown, the uncertainty of the very, very near future that caused that train to derail in my dream.

Am I afraid of fatherhood?  Maybe a little.  In the age of information, I can read about what to do as a parent until my face turns blue, but it won't tell me everything.  Maybe my fear is that my instincts (which I feel are still  pretty imature) won't tell me to do the right thing.  I'm not sure, but I know the dream was significant.  I think it means what I think it means.  There is not much I can do to control this, so I have to just not worry so much, I guess.  I think it'll be alright.  I think.