Live Life To The ULTRA

It's amazing to me how often people fall for Michelob Ultra's advertising campaign. I've been out to bars, restaurants, casinos and stores that sell beer and I have noticed it a number of times. Usually it's a lady, usually in her 30's or 40's, and she appears to be in shape. She has seen the ads in her magazines or on television about the beer you can drink when having a good time, but you can also be an athlete. When I think of beer and athletics, it usually involves watching sports, not actually playing. Also there are the amateur men playing golf or softball. Not exactly world class athletes, even if they are talented at what they do. The point being, they usually aren't too particular in the calorie content of the beer they choose, because they aren't usually trying to maintain a form. They just like to get a little tipsy while doing something active that they enjoy. It's leisure time, not workout time.

For example of what I'm talking about with Michelob Ultra, there is an ad in this Sports Illustrated that I'm reading that made me stop in my tracks to blog for the first time in forever. It features Lance Armstrong, Seven-time Tour de France champion and all-around well respected athlete, intensely riding a bike, clearly in the lead of the "race" he's involved in. Perhaps it's not a race at all, as he is just kinda riding a bike, but nonetheless, it's intense, serious. As if to say, you can be a serious workout-a-holic, and still drink beer in you're leisure time. Let's face it, beer isn't good for you. I don't care how good it tastes or how good it makes you feel. It has calories and what not that, as you know if you know anyone that drinks a lot of it, will put pounds on you. I've known plenty of people that used to be skinny and healthy that started drinking a lot of beer all the time and suddenly, you start to ask yourself how they let themselves go. Those people must not be drinking Michelob Ultra, obviously, because if they were, they would be like Lance Armstrong, intensely riding their bike, winning seven Tours de France.

The problem I have with Michelob Ultra is that it tastes like water. Now I know that lots of people don't drink light beer because light beer tastes like water and they want a beer that tastes like beer, but Michelob Ultra really does have very little taste to it. The other problem is that it boasts being better for you by having 2.6 grams of carbohydrates and 95 calories. By contrast, Miller Lite, Busch Light and fucking Natty Light all have 3.2 grams of carbs and 96 calories. That is a difference of one calorie, and 0.6 grams of carbs. I'm no health expert, but that seems pretty minute. And if you want to drink beer, chances are you like the taste of it. If not, Michelob is you're choice because it tastes like water. The alcohol content is basically the same for all four beers, but the taste is significantly different. Not all people like the taste of Busch light or Natty light, and the fact that they are Anheuser-Busch products make me not want to purchase them, because that company sucks, but they certainly taste better than Michelob Ultra. Fuck that beer, man.

The one beer out of the four I have mentioned above that I do have a tendency to purchase is Miller Lite. Miller Lite tastes good. It tastes like beer. The problem is that I was informed by an anonymous friend whom was working for a company that was doing tests on Miller Lite's artificial hop flavoring. So you're telling me that it tastes great, but is also less filling because it's not real? I'm not sure if this information is well-known or if I'm supposed to even know this information, but I do, and that makes me question everything these companies are doing. In the spirit of selling "healthy" beer, they're probably all adding bullshit to the beer to make it taste better. Maybe Michelob Ultra doesn't add artificial hops flavoring? Maybe that's why it tastes like water? I do not know the extent of the artificial flavoring going on in the mass-market beer world, but I do know that I've tried my best to swear off the big guys as much as possible. This is possible here in Nashville because they have a wonderful brewery here called Yazoo that makes real, local beer that tastes way better than any mass-marketed beer you could ever find. In fact, all over the country there are microbreweries and craft brewers that would greatly appreciate you're business. Not that I'm totally against big corporations, but most of them suck, and we all know it. Beer companies are no different. Because they sneak in artificial hops flavoring into their beers. I'm sorry but that just sounds wrong to me.

So Michelob Ultra (an Anheuser-Busch product, might I add) wants you to know that if you drink their beer, you can be like Lance Armstrong and be an athlete. And people believe that. Advertising pisses me off...Unless it's Old Spice.