Why Can't I Grow A Beard?

Some would consider it a blessing. I call it a curse. That sentiment would seem a little extreme, but I'm extremely unhappy that one particular family gene was passed onto me.

I rarely have to shave my face. One time, I didn't shave for an entire month. That month was November 2008. I participated in No-Shave November, and you could hardly tell. I grow sporadic hairs here and there on my chinny-chin chin, a super-thin mustache, and absolutely no sideburns. I get a lot of annoying peach fuzz all over my cheeks, and that's really about all. I shave about every two or three days, simply because I kind of enjoy it. To be honest, the little hair I grow does get annoying for the fact that it's prickly. But it's not like I go for the clean-shave look because it best suits me. I shave because I look like a 14 year old if I don't.

I was passed on this non-hair-growing-on-the-face gene from my father. Thanks, dad. My brother was the same way as I was until he hit 23 or 24 when all of a sudden, he was able to grow out a strangely colored goatee (Red, when he has not red hair). I figured when I hit 23 or 24ish, I would also be able to grow out a sweet goatee or beard or whatever as well. This never happened. I'm nearly 27 now and I still can't grow any. I didn't know my dad also struggled to grow facial hair, that's why he never shaves his mustache, because it takes forever for it to grow back. I always knew my dad as having a mustache. I guess this is why. But my mothers side of the family can grow the beards like a motherfucker. My Uncle Pete plays Santa at Christmas because he can grow the real beard, down to his friggin' chest.

Now, about the blessing and curse part. Most people I know have to shave everyday or else they have the prickly hairs all over their face, driving them nuts. I envy those that can grow a beard in 3 days but don't want to. If I could grow a beard, I would be doing all kinds of fun stuff with it. Just a mustache one day, soul patch the next. Full-on beard one day, mutton chops the next. I'd do the ugly Triple H thing where its the beard with the chin part cut out. I'd grow a handlebar, Hulk Hogan mustache. I'd cut in a Hitler for a few hours, then shave it off before I offend anyone. There's so many fun things to do with facial hair, I don't see why anyone wouldn't do any of these, except of course, work requirements of professionalism. I like to do things for a laugh, especially when poking fun at myself. It's what I do to lighten people's moods. Funny facial hair would be IT!!! But I can't. I just physically can't do it.

So for everyone that has to shave everyday and curses that fact out loud, please keep me in you're thoughts when doing so. I hate that I can't grow a beard. Does that make me crazy?