Please Read This Post on the News, Eventually

Someday, when I do something newsworthy, whatever it is, the media is going to investigate my online presence and find things they can use to help understand what kind of person I was in society before I did whatever I did.  I think one of the first places they'll go to is this blog.  Yes, every time they have someone in the news that was previously an unknown, they hit the web and find whatever they can dig up on the person.  Like, when someone goes on a rampage at a school or on a congresswoman, or if someone rushes into a burning plane crash and saves 47 people from death, they find his or her online presence and broadcast it to the world.  I have to be prepared for that, just in case.  So I decided to write about what I want them to broadcast.  They have to pick one "eerie, ominous" post to share with people.  The "he wrote this?  Why weren't there more red flags?" post or the "Look what a wonderful person this blogger is!" post. Not that I'm planning on making the news for something good or bad or anything, but, you just never know, right?  So when I did something courageous or dastardly and it makes the national news, I want them to know this about me:

• I want everyone to know that I prefer NBC programming over anything on CBS or Fox.  ABC is pretty good, too. 
• I want them to know that I like democrats and I think Republicans lie.  
• I want them to know that I think that eating meat is wrong for so many reasons. 
• I also want to say the Nashville Predators are the best hockey team ever, and I hope they win the cup
• Let the people know that I like to eat cheese, but cheese makes me feel sluggish.
• If you could pass this along, collecting vinyl isn't all it's cracked up to be, no matter what that hipster at the show you met tries to convince you of otherwise.
• Board games are just as much fun as an adult as they were as a child, and people should really play them more often.
• Quitting smoking is not joke, people.  It's hard to do. 
• I want them to know that the 2010 Ford Focus is a quality-built American car.  
• I also want them to know that bullets are really easy to add to a blogger post.  Thanks, Google!

Yup, this is what I want them to read on the air.  When I need to be on the news, can someone please send this to WSMV?  They do a good job on the local news and they're an NBC affiliate, so that's a nice little tie-in.  Thanks!