Today, I Learn How To Spell "Unbelievable"

Yesterday, I was surfing on my iPhone in the App Store, looking for an app I thought probably should exist.  I was disappointed to find out that it didn't exist, but I found something unbelievable in the process.

First off, My Coke Rewards is a thing that exists online where you enter the little stupid code on the cap of your coke product and you get points to use towards useless shit.  Well, Ive been collecting points for a long time now, and I have over 900 currently.  I spent about a hundred of them a months ago as well.  Anyway, I figured there should probably be an iPhone app for My Coke Rewards.  Not true.  I can't believe the Coke company didn't think of this.  How utterly stupid.  If you want people to participate in your program, don't you think you would make it a cool iPhone app?  People love iPhone apps, idiots.  Get with the program.

Well, the point here, the unbelievable thing I found in the process of searching for this app was that for my search results for "Coke Rewards" came up with only one app.  It was a game called Hot Farm.

Hot Farm is being sold in the App Store for $69.99

That's right, one stupid iPhone game that is being sold for seventy dollars.  I figured, who the fuck would ever pay for this?  Apparently, up to 610 people, because, that's how many people have rated this game.  Now, I would assume that at one point this game was either 99 cents like most apps or maybe even as much as five to 10 dollars.  People will pay for stupid shit, but I don't believe anyone would have paid this $70.  If they did, they need to be shot in the face.  Sorry, that's just ridiculous 

The question begs to be asked, what kind of scam artist does it take to price an app at $70?  First off, probably not a very good scam artist.  If you wanted to scam people, make it $5 or something. You could probably convince at least a handful of people to pony up that dough.  But $70?  That is just insane.  And what's funny was reading the comments and ratings by the users, they were mainly negative, or at least neutral.  Basically they said this was just like some poor Facebook game.  Unbelievable.

So check it out if you'd like.  Hot Farm.  Totally fucking stupid insane app developers!  

Typos Courtesy of iPhone

I'll give you a heads up right off the bat. I'm writing this from my iPhone. Why? Because I totally can. I wanted to say this because I wanted to explain the many, many typos that are about to occur.

What such a pressing matter that I must blog straight away? Nothing much really. It's not a pressing matter so much as me just wanting to get this post out there ASAP. What is it about pretzels that make for such a wonderful snack? I can't stop eating them whenever I start. The problem is, after a while, they make me exceptionally thirsty. I avoid them usually because I know what will happen. I'll get really dehydrated and pissed off, even A's I'm totally enjoying the snack in hand. Right now theres a bag of delicious salty pretzels staring me right in the face. I already gave in earlier, and drank two bottles of water to offset the salt. But now they're still there, unfinished. WAitig for me to crack the bag again. I know if I eat just one, well, I won't eat just one. I'd lose that bet. I'd get super thirsty again, and potentially ruin my night. So I'm resisting.

On a completely different subject, some friends of mine and I are making a Madonna tribute album and maybe even a tribute concert in her honor. I am doing a cover of cherish. Now yay my phone decided to totally frick up, I have to end this here. Stay tuned to the results. I hope it turns out alright (the compilation and my cover, I mean) goodbye everyone!

Would You Like A Shoe Shine?

When I was a little kid, I was walking through the O'Hare airport on our way to catch our transfer flight on the way home from either Disney World or Disney Land, I don't remember which trip it was.  Whilst walking around the place, I remember this was the first time I ever saw a shoe shiner shining someones shoes.  I was, and still am to this day, just shocked by the whole idea.

How could you ever allow yourself to get your shoes shined?  I mean, what kind of person says "Hey, shine my shoes, boy!"  Now I know, I know...It's like strippers.  They get paid by doing something a bit degrading in public for a few bucks.  Probably make better money than I do.  But with strippers, you have to go to a specific area of town with a specific set of rules and taboo of the whole thing to keep it a bit more legit and slightly less public.  A shoeshiner is just out there, taking scuffs of your overpriced shoes, on his knees, in a very, very public area like an airport terminal.

To me, it's wrong.  I could never, ever do it, even if someone else paid for it.  I don't care how much the guy says he want's to do it because he likes the money.  Hookers will do anything if the price is right, also.  But it's affected me ever since I first saw that back in either 1989 or 1993, whichever trip it was.  How could a dude just sit there while someone's rubbing their feet and read the Times, or whatever.  It just makes me uncomfortable.

And it's shoeshiners that I think of every single time I think of O'Hare airport.  Every time.

Cicada Invasion = Dog Snack

Well, the cicadas are officially here.  For those people that aren't here in Middle Tennessee, you may not have heard that the 13 year cicadas have come out this year, and boy are they loud.  There is no missing it.  I thought we might dodge a bullet because we live right in the city here, but I was wrong.  According to my dog, I was deliciously wrong.

I had heard that dogs like to eat cicadas.  I figured my dog was smarter than that.  He doesn't care about bugs in general.  I mean, my dog likes to eat grass and food scraps and paper products and pretty much everything else that's littered around the apartment complex.  This is why I call him the Goat Dog.  He'll eat anything, just like a goat.  Well, to my surprise, I was walking him on Sunday, right when the Cicadas were flying around in their most abundance I had seen yet this year.  One cicada was laying on the sidewalk, and my dog took an interest in it.  He started pawing it, and then trying to eat it.  I was amazed.  My dog always ignores dumb bugs all over the place.  Not this time.  The people who warned that dogs can go crazy eating cicadas were absolutely correct.  Soon, my dog didn't want to go outside to pee or poo, he wants to eat cicadas.  In fact, as I'm typing this, he's asking to go out.  He wants a snack.

So the cicadas are swarming the area, and it's pretty annoying.  They're completely harmless, they don't bite, they don't sting, they don't do anything except sing. (hey that rhymed.)  And according to the experts, you can eat them.  They're safe for consumption.  They're nontoxic to dogs as well, so when Bowser chows down on them he's really not doing any harm to himself.  The only thing that can happen is dogs can eat so many of them that they make themselves sick and throw up.  I won't let my dog eat that many, but I'll let him eat a few bugs.  Not gonna hurt him, so might as well let him enjoy himself.

So I'm going to throw some earplugs and get the dog a cicada snack now.  

Project365 v 2.0

I mentioned a while back about a wonderful app for the iPhone called Project365.  I talked before, in case you missed it, about how it was a wonderful way to never forget a day in my life again, and that's exactly what it has done for me, a year later.

Well, I was using the free version, not realizing a few things were to my disadvantage.  First of all, the free version only allows you to have one calender year of pictures and memories saved to the app.  Thankfully, I realized this with plenty of time to come up with a solution, which was to pay for the full version.  The paid version allows for multiple years of entries, so there's no need to get another copy of the app or whatever.  Also, should anything happen to my phone, there is a web backup feature.  So all my Project365 entries are on a web site.  In fact, you can view that website yourself, I believe.  Let me try to link it HERE.  Hope that works.

Anyway, I use that as a pretty personal journal, and some of the writing is in a bit of shorthand, so if it's hard to understand, just know that I know what it means.  Also, I hope I didn't rip on anyone in one of the posts...and now you'll read it... Meh, que sara sara, I suppose.  I don't think I did anyway.

So yes, all my memories are backed up.  This is still probably the best app I got going on my phone.  Sometimes I just really need to look back and know specifically what days things happened.  What I found very weird is that I started using the free version on April 23rd, 2010, and used it for an entire year.  Little did I know at the time that I was documenting the entire calender year, almost exactly to the day, of my final year as a non-parent.  And with the new app, I have started documenting every day of being a dad.  Weird how things like that work out, eh? 

Foreign Oil Dependence

As you can clearly see, America is way to dependent on foreign olive oil.

Yes, I totally stole this form someone else.  That's why I'm not talking about it in too much detail.  I found this great concept on another blog and I wanted to pass along the joke.  To be honest though, if you read on the rest of the blog on which I found this, I'm not even certain this is meant to be a joke. I could be wrong, but none of the posts on the blog on which I found this were funny...But this is funny because it's ironic, right?  I think it's funny.  

Anyway, I got it from HERE, so you can see it in all it's glory if you'd like. Also, read the comments for perhaps the dullest commenting I've ever read in my life.  Perhaps this whole thing is misconstrued... 

I Failed the Test

A few days ago I talked about driving and bad drivers and whatnot.  TheloniousZen was kind enough to inquire about the time I failed a drivers test.  It's something I often forget about untill I think about that subject.  Yes, I failed a drivers test.  It happened.

This was me, essentially 

On that fatefull day in early 1999 ( I think) I arrived at the Econo Foods parking lot with my mother in her 1993 Honda Accord.  I had pocketed my "lucky" quarter (not sure what made me believe it was lucky, but I was a teenager, the thought of a lucky item was appealing) and was all set to take my independent road test.  First off, you had to do a series of parking maneuvers before you were going to hit the road with the tester.   I was required to pull forward to a stop bar, then put it in reverse as if to back into a parking spot.  Then, I had to pull forward and parallel park the car into another spot.  These were things I had accomplished before in drivers training and as a practice driver with my mother, but on this fateful day, everything went horribly wrong.

First off, when I pulled forward to the stop bar, I apparently was about four feet back of the line instead of actually up to it.  To this day, I can't believe I did that.  I never, ever make that mistake anymore, when I tought myself that if you line up the bottom of the side rear view mirror with the extended stop bar, you'll be right on it.  This works.  Try it out, if that's not something you've done before.  So anyway, I was like four feet too far back.  To me, that's not that big of a deal, but apparently to this jackass administering the test, it was.

Next, I had to back into the parking spot that was surrounded by road cones.  There were seven cones set up for me to fit the car in.  the back five had big sixfoot polls sticking out of them, so naturally, I aimed for the one I could see.  Turns out that the front two didn't have sticks in them, so since I couldn't see them, I totally ran the closest front one over.  I was aiming for what turned out to be the middle cone.  I guess it made it worse because I didn't notice that I ran the cone over and kept on driving into the spot.  WHOOPS...

So yeah, then I had to parallel park, which I TOTALLY NAILED.  First try, I parked that bitch right in there.  Still to this day, I'm a pretty decent parallel parker.  So the next part was to take the car to the road with the tester in the passenger seat so see how well I could handle the road.  But we never got that far.  The dude obviously had a hot date, because he said that I did so bad on the parking lot tests, that I have failed already, and I would have to reschedule the test and repay for the test.  He said that running over that cone was the worst thing I could do, because what if that was some kid.  My thought was "MAYBE DUMB KIDS SHOULDN'T PLAY UNDERNEATH THE TIRES OF MY CAR, EH?"

So that was that.  I failed my drivers test.  I didn't drive AT ALL for one entire year, until I decided to try taking the test again, this time with a different tester.  With zero practice and zero hours driven for an entire year, I passed the test the second time...Which makes me really hate that asshole who administered my first test.  There were no sticks in the cones closest to me, damn it!  How could I see that?  All the other cones had sticks in them, why not the front ones?

So much for that lucky quarter.  I went home and chucked it against a wall.  I probably then spent it on a bottle of Faygo, or something.  Proved to me that there is no such thing as lucky quarters or whatever.  It taught me to not rely on luck in those situations, and if you want to succeed, you have to just be good at it, not lucky.  

The Promise

I'm going to write a new post tomorrow.  I came here to tell you that because I don't want to lie to you, so I'll actually write.  I have no problem lieing to myself, which I do all the time.  No, if I really want to write a new post, I have to come here and say I'M GOING TO WRITE A NEW POST TOMORROW.  

I Can't Drive (at all)

They say Tennessee drivers are some of the worst in the nation.  According to the results of a test done by GMAC insurance in 2010, Tennessee is the 33rd worst state of drivers.  Anyone who lives here will cry bullshit, as these morons are the worst drivers I've ever seen.  It's common knowledge to everyone who drives here and have driven other places that these are top 5 worst drivers in the nation.  It didn't really don on me exactly why until Friday night at dinner at P.F. Chang's.

Our waiter was originally from Michigan as I am.  He was talking about how awful the drivers are here, and he knew why.  You see, in Tennessee, you don't really have to do a whole lot to get a drivers license.  All you have to do is go to the DMV and take a written test and an eye exam.  Then, if you pass that, you get your learners permit.  You must log 50 hours of driving time (10 of which have to be at night) with an adult over the age of 21 in the passenger seat, wait 180 days, be 16 years old, and BAM, your a legal driver in the state of Tennessee.

Now, according to my research, that's all it takes.  I could be wrong, and anyone who lives here if free to correct me, but I'm pretty sure that's it.  In Michigan, you had to take drivers training, log so many hours of on the road testing with the instructor, pass a written exam, and then you could get your level one permit.  Then you had to log so many hours with an adult and you have that level one license for six months.  Once you get passed that, you had to go to the level two classes, pass another test, and then you could get your level two license.  Then, you had to go take a road test with an independent, third-party road testing organization (which I totally failed the first time at the age of 16).  Then blah blah blah blah.  You get the idea.

You have a lot more hoops to jump though in Michigan to get a license.  This of coarse makes you learn how to drive better.  While it's less of a hassle in Tennessee, the folks here didn't learn how to fucking drive, obviously.  Not that I'm a better person for having gone through all that back in Michigan, it just makes me a better driver than you.  So maybe the state needs to take a look at their system of getting a drivers license in the first place and perhaps do a bit of upgrading?  After all, the road is a dangerous place, especially when everyone is just winging it.  By the way, on the list I mentioned above, Michigan was the 37th worst drivers, so that's not all that much better than Tennessee, but it's still better.  And like I said, anyone who drives here would agree these test results are total bullshit.  Tennessee has the worst drivers, okay?  I just told you why.  

Drink More Water

Okay, so even though my little one at home is the most important thing in my life, and that's all I really want to talk about sometimes, I'm not going to do that.  No, I think that that would be alright, I guess, if I wanted to do that.  But I want to shake it up still.  This is not a single-subject blog.  So, expect the occasional Posts About Babies, but I'd say they will be about as frequent as they were when she was in the womb.

That being said, I want to talk about water, and more specifically, your recommended daily intake of water.  As I grew up, I learned the importance of getting that eight glasses of water every day for essential well-being, or whatever.  I heard that stat over and over, and somewhere along the line I decided that I should probably follow that guideline.  After all, they don't pound that sort of information into your brain for their health. It's for your health, ya turkey.

I recall my brother going on a diet where he cut out soda pop and some fast food, and started pounding bottles of water.  He lost a good amount of weight just by doing that.  Well, I started pounding that water like my brother did, but never got the dramatic results he achieved, although I did notice a marked increase in energy level and all that jazz.  I fall in and out of love with water drinking, mainly because water is sort of, well, boring.  Drinking water, while good for you, doesn't always satisify the pallet quite like a delicious coke (or diet coke, or whatever drink you choose for that matter.)  I think it's because I was brought up drinking flavor instead of water that I get bored with water.  But as an adult I know better than to just drink for pleasure.  Water is pretty important for your body to function properly.

But what happens if you don't drink your recommended daily water amount?  I knew a girl that I used to work with that never, EVER, drank water.  It was pop or juice or coffee or milk or beer but never water.  How can this be?  I mean, they say that you must drink water to function, how did she not keel over and die? I mean, you get hydrated from other liquids, I guess, but it's ain't water. She couldn't stand the taste of water, as crazy as that sounds.  Well she functions just fine with out H2O, so what's with this "you must drink eight glasses" business?

I am a proponent of drinking your daily 8ish glasses, because it makes me feel better.  Hydration is the most important thing you can do for youself, mainly because if you don't get it, you will die.  You can survive without food for much longer than water.  You need water to live.  Bottom line.  So go fill that cup up right now with some nice, cold water and think about how good it makes you feel later.  But I guess you can drink whatever you want and you won't explode from dehydration...So maybe get a glass of apple juice if you don't like the taste of water.  

Posts About Babies: She's Here

I have hesitated to jump back into this thing, because I know what I want to write will be lengthy as hell.  I want to go through the entire story of how little baby Evelyn got born on Thursday, April 28th, but man, I just haven't found the time.  I have a moment here to stop by and say that things are going great here, but it's been busy, like I said before.

They said you won't sleep when you have a newborn, but I'd have to say that hasn't totally been the case thus far.  No, she sleeps pretty good, even if we have to wake up only twice during the night.  Apparently, that's pretty good.  I wouldn't know, this is the first time I've done this, obviously.  Most of the things that have been going on have been tweeted, and I'm 99.9% sure that everyone that reads this thing also follows me there.  If you don't, man, you really should.

So, basically she was born via C-section at 10:46 a.m. on last Thursday.  She came out beautiful and stayed that way.  Seriously, she is adorable.  She is the cutest thing I've ever seen.  When she was born, she started crying before I could see her, and my eyes were as big as saucers.  I couldn't believe she was finally here.  When the let me see here, I nearly fell over from the emotion of everything.  I was scared, happy, nervous and excited in one ball of emotion, helped along by the fact that I hadn't slept in 27 hours, or whatever.  None of my sleeplessness problems were evident when she looked in my general direction when they were cleaning her up on that table in the operating room.  Nothing.

She sleeps.  She eats.  She craps.  She cries.  This is my life right now.  Currently, at this late hour, mom is trying to make her stop crying as she puts her into her swing.  Even though she is upset, and I want to make that crying stop, there is no sweeter sound to me than her crying voice.  Nope, none.

So my new life has finally arrived.  Having a little girl has been pretty damn cool, if I must say so.  So with that, I gotta go make a crying baby stop doing just that.