Posts About Babies: The Russian Doll

******************So the crazy thing about Blogger, is that it's a site that you use to make blogs and such.  Well it's crazy because I try to do the simplest thing, and the dumb fucking thing just goes ahead and deletes everything I wrote and saved.  Then saves that blank post, without me telling it to save, therefore, deleting what I wrote a few hours ago.  It's gone.  It's just...gone.  No recovering it.  Now I'm pissed off.  

The title was left untouched, as was the last paragraph I had written, which I have now deleted as well, but this time, on purpose.  I was trying to insert a funny picture with a caption, and it must have highlighted all the text when I went to delete the caption.  But why on earth did it save it that way without asking me?  Fuck you, Blogger.  Right in the ass. Now on to my second attempt to write what I just wrote, a few hours ago.*****************

Sort of like this

My wife is carrying a baby inside her, and it's pretty crazy.  It's a human being, but I can't really communicate with it yet.  The gravity of the situation has yet to really, really take hold, but I'm more aware everyday that she is clearly right there, and I can touch her, sort of.

You see, the other night, baby was giving mama a fit by laying in a way that was very uncomfortable for mama.  I'm pretty sure this will be a regular occurrence now because she keeps getting bigger and bigger, while mama basically stays the same size.  She was positioned up high, and I could tell because when my wife laid down, I could feel her sticking out near the ribcage area.  It was really hard and was sticking out pretty far.  Then, all of a sudden, she moved and the part that was sticking out was gone.  Further proof that there is a person in there.

It's like one of those Russian dolls, where they stack inside each other.  I want to put my wife into an even bigger person, just because that's funny.  

Anyway, that's all.  That's basically what I wrote before, only it was way better last time.  To bad you'll never know how awesome it was.  Because it's gone forever now.  

She Cooks For Me

I took a breather, as you could tell I needed to do after the last post. You see, I got real fired up, and I think that indirectly caused me to take a much needed break from spilling all that nonsense out on the internet. I have no other explanation why I would go two weeks without a post. But regardless, I'm back now and I'm going to REALLY try to do better. Honestly.

There's something exciting about cooking food at home that I really enjoy. I especially enjoy it when my lovely wife cooks because she's good at it. I have never really been much of a chef, I guess, because I never was taught how growing up. My mom had the things she would make for us kids, and we all loved it, and I love her for it. But my mom wasn't all that great of a cook. I guess I shouldn't really say that, I mean, she didn't usually go for something new all the time, I guess. She made what she makes, if ya know what I mean. There were a bunch of things she would make, but it was really only those few things. She didn't branch out. I also recall her browning hamburger in the microwave...she used the microwave for EVERYTHING.

I really like to try out recipes, but my wife hates it when I want to, because I don't know how to cook. So if I'm trying to cook for us, I have to ask her a million questions (huge exaggeration) about the little tricks they ask you to do sometimes. She just knows that stuff, I don't. And I know that I'll get better at it if I just jump in and do it, I don't want to mess something up, and ruin dinner.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I enjoy a home-cooked meal as much as the next guy, but I want to be better at it myself. So I hereby announce that I will try to cook more, and if I mess it up, that's okay. Cooking is fun, and I want in on the fun, damnit.

The Social Network Is Driving Me Crazy

I really wanted to tweet about it, but I'm not trying to be mean. So instead, I'll write about it. I doubt more than 2 or 3 people read this thing anyway, and this isn't about those readers.

I was unfollowed by someone on Twitter. Well, actually I was unfollowed by about 6 people on Twitter, but 5 of them were bots or businesses that followed me for business sake. I'm sure @ZipGiveEdmonton was hoping I would follow back so they could spread their massage or whatever. But there was at the bottom of the short list of the people who unfollowed me was a person I had actually met before and talked to. A girl by the name of Hullosam, aka Sam Coletta. I think she's a friend of a friend's girlfriend, I guess. Well anyway, she unfollowed me, probably because I called her out (indirectly) for begging for a snowstorm and then complaining that she has to "drive in this crap." Well, you asked for the snow, you know what that means as far as what it will do to the roads. You get what you wish for.

So, when I found out, I quickly unfollowed back, because her tweets were useless to me anyway. I already follow Haley Williams, I don't need to follow her impostor, too.

I found out by a cool service called Qwitter. Qwitter sends you emails every so often telling you who has unfollowed you since the last time an email was sent out. It's pretty cool if you're a paranoid tweeter like I am. I care about my followers and I want them to be happy when they read my tweets. I want them to be entertained by them sometimes, too. So I want to know if I'm being a total twitard, and it's pissing people off so badly that they want me to go away.

Speaking of social networking and it's trials and tribulations, Facebook is gettin' pretty damn annoying. I understand people have opinions and stuff, and that's fine, so do I. I try to put the most vanilla posts of all time on Facebook, because I don't want to get into it, whatever it is, with the people on Facebook. I unfriended my own step-father-in-law the other day, because his posts are all full of bullshit, conspiracy theories that I just don't want to hear about because they're not true. I say one thing last night about how the Lions have sucked for 53 years and get backlash from a close friend. He called me a fare-weather fan. unfuckingbelievable. I felt I had to defend myself, even though it would have probably been better to just leave it alone, but I am not a fare-weather fan. I've rooted for the same football, baseball and basketball teams since I was a little kid, and even though I have had times where I called myself a "fan" of certain teams for various reasons (1995 Colts, 1998 Broncos, 2003 Cubs, every team that plays against the Wings from 1996 - present, the 2004 or 2005ish Minnesota Timberwolves, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Hat I wore from 1997 - 2001) but the base teams I follow have not changed. I only root for the Predators now because I live in fucking Nashville, where the goddamn team plays. So fuck you Tom, my longtime, childhood friend, for saying that shit. I was making a joke on facebook. Way to overreact, by calling me something I'm not.

Have a good day, I'm all pissed now.

Saturday's Are Meant For The Kids

There's just something about Saturday mornings that bring back memories of my childhood. It's just this warm, fuzzy feeling of waking up earlier than most kids tend to do on a weekend morning, and turning on the earliest Saturday morning cartoon I can find on my local, basic cable. Usually, the earlier the programing I found was, the more educational it was, and I couldn't wait for the real, good cartoons to start. And when they did, I was all over it. I remember the main channel to watch in the morning was Fox, am I right? They played all kinds of morning cartoons, but I could be wrong. It might have been CBS or ABC, but it doesn't really matter, and I just don't remember. But even now, it's not even about the cartoons, I guess. I don't know, it was just nice to hang out on the weekend, when I didn't have to go to school. I haven't had that experience as an adult, really. I haven't had an adult work schedule where I worked Monday through Friday, and had my weekends off to do things that normal families and or whatever would be able to do.

I was thinking of this as I drove to work this morning at approximately 5:45 a.m. I thought about how nice it would be to be off today. To sleep in, wake up, and do something around the house that you need to accomplish on a weekend only type-thing. Maybe this is where the Home Depot commercials have gotten to me. I feel like I need to spend my weekend painting, or putting new roofing on my barn/garage combo. Something other than sitting at a desk, blogging.

Building a fort in the living room with my brother. Watching WWF Superstars on USA network. Playing Nintendo games like RC ProAm, Blades of Steel, WWF Wrestlemania or Super Tecmo Bowl (or it's real name, Tecmo Super Bowl, but we always put the super first.) Eating some Bologna straight out of the container, and washing it down with Chips Ahoy cookies. 112 Rock St. Ah, to be a kid again.

Alas, we can never go back. We're stuck being adults now. That's okay. It has to be okay, because what makes time travel possible cannot exist. I have to get that new fuzzy feeling of a day off on a Monday or Friday, as those are my days off. My weekend days are the parenthesis of the real weekend. It's my reality, and I'm happy with it. I know someday, I will think back on today with fond memories and wish I could go back to right now. So I must make the most of it while I can. What I've found is that life moves pretty damn quickly.

Anyway, I felt like getting nostalgic on your ass this morning, because I miss being a kid. I'm sure everyone misses it to some degree.

I used to set up a tape recorder next to my record player, play songs from the record, and do my own radio countdown show, and tape it to listen to later. I'd love to hear that tape.

There's no Q in Coupon

I purchased my very first Groupon today. I think Groupon is a very good idea, but it seems that a lot of the deals don't apply to me. If you live in an area where you could have Groupon deals, it's pretty sweet. If not, you should not feel too left out, as I have had Groupon daily deals being sent to my email for about six months now and this is the first one I bought. I mainly bought it because it's a really good deal and it was cheap.

Are you familiar with the pizza chain Cici's? Well let me tell you, this place rules. They seriously need one in the U.P. somewhere near campus. for $5, it's all you can eat pizza, pasta and salad. $5, AL YOU CARE TO EAT! That's amazing, if you ask me. Great for the kids, too, if you have them.

Yeah, so today's deal was for $10 worth of food for $5. So I paid the $5. Now me and my lovely wife can go eat pizza, all we care to eat, for five freaking dollars. Pretty excited. I don't recal being this excited about a coupon in quite sometime. That reminds me, There's a long running thing going on here, where some people out there pronouce things wrong. Sort of like how the rest of the country says Saw-Naw when it's a Sauna. Like some people say Care-a-mel instead of Car-mll. Some people pronounce Coupon Qupon. There is no Q in Coupon, people. Get with the times, ya jerks.

Yes, Groupon is a good thing. I just don't usually need $25 off a $50 massage from some massage place somewhere nearby. That's for example. It's sort of like that, every other day.

I'm gonna go get me some pizza! I'm excited! (well, not today, but perhaps later this week.)

Have a good day, and sign up for Groupon, if you can!

Getting into TV

The people around me tend to have an affect on what I do and enjoy, know what I mean? Like, when I would hang out with a certain friend, I would lean toward their tendencies more often than I would normally. Like, for example, lets say I have a friend who is a big fan of eating Cheerios. There is a decent chance I will also take up eating cheerios as well. Well, since moving here, I don't have a whole hell of a lot of friends. This is unfortunate, but it's true. The one good friend I have here now really enjoys movies and TV shows. If you know me, I'm not that big on movies. They take forever to finish. I mean, it's hard to explain, but the prospect of watching a movie sounds like a terrible idea, while when I actually watch a movie, or have watched a movie, I am happy with the decision. Know what I mean?

I also have taken to making the friends I am connected with on Twitter better friends, a sort of replacement friend scenario. I got a friend in Florida that loves TV shows and movies as well. So, now that I have explained all of this, I should probably begin to tell you why I have explained this.

You see, TV shows are so scheduled. They come on at a certain time on a certain channel, and I have never, ever ever been able to keep up with a TV show on a regular basis. Ever. The closest I ever came was with the show Persons Unknown this past summer, and I made it 3 episodes. I watched the ones I missed on Hulu and caught the new one after I was caught up about 5 weeks later. Then, I stopped watching all together. Not that I particularly loved that show, it was OKAY at best, but it was the principal of the matter.

The last time I planned to keep up with a show upon it's debut was a little show on ABC called Lost. I said, "hey, that looks interesting and fun, I'm going to watch the first episode and never miss one, and watch it every week until it's over." I missed that first episode, and I then tried to pick it up on like, episode 3ish, and was totally "Lost."

Six years later, I decided to watch the show from the beginning, finally. All thanks to Netflix. I enjoy watching TV shows on these formats very much for a few reasons. One, I can watch multiple episodes in a row, and knock out a few weeks worth of entertainment in a couple hours. It helps especially on a show like Lost where it can all be very confusing, I imagine, if you were to watch one episode on a weekly basis. But I have really been enjoying being a guy who watches TV shows, even if it's after the original air date, or whatever. If you need me, I'll probably be watching something on Hulu or Netflix.

Posts About Babies: Upon Request

"You haven't posted about babies since December 5th" says my lovely wife. What can I say? I got distracted by music, per usual. Anyway, I want to give a quick update from here, saying that all is well. We had another ultrasound right before Christmas, and all looked well. We had an appointment with a midwife, and all she said was "you're having an uncomplicated pregnancy, see you next time."

On the comedy front, I have created a Twitter account for the unborn child of mine, named Wombkicker. You can follow her, and know what she's up to on a more regular basis than I am obviously able to maintain here. Right now, my fingernails are making more contact with the keys than my fingertips are, and that's annoying me, so I'm just going to end this here.

Nothing new, just wanted to say hey, all is well.

No Homo

Ever use the phrase "no homo" do guard yourself against looking like a gaywad? I have, and usually it's done to be funny, not serious. Example: "No homo, but that sweater looks really nice on you, bro." You say "no homo" so you can compliment a fellow man on things that a "real man" wouldn't normally compliment. In all honesty, it's ridiculous that we as a society are so homophobic that we have to make sure the people we deal with understand very clearly what sex of human we enjoy fucking. From a comedy standpoint, however, "no homo" is funny, and not in a demeaning way, either. Though I suppose calling someone, even in denial of being so, a "homo" is demeaning, but we're talking about being funny here, not being an asshole.

Anyway the point I'm trying to make here is not so much as to support or advise against the use of the term "no homo" but more of pointing out that it's funny to say. Max Bemis of Say Anything tweeted the other day the idea of using the "no" in front of other labels you don't want to be associated with, even if you have feelings that way. For example, he coined the term "no hipster" to use before certain things you want to announce that you enjoy, but don't necessarily want to send the wrong message to people. "No hipster, but I really like the new Arcade Fire album." That's the example he gave. I'll say, "No hipster, but I like to look through the used vinyl bins at the record store and see if I can find anything cool in there." See how that works? I don't want to be branded a hipster because I like vinyl.

What the fuck is the problem with hipsters anyway? Why do people not want to be a hipster? Why would you dislike hipsters? I mean, I understand some of them can be real douchey, but that's okay, isn't it? I didn't really know what a hipster was until, like, last year. Small town will do that to a guy, ya know?

Anyway, I'm totally rambling. Try to incorporate the "no" in front of labels you're trying to avoid and have some fun with it. Life is too short to waste your time being offended. It's also probably too short to waste your time worrying about what other might label you as if you complement some other guys nice jeans. So...yeah. Just go with it, man. Didn't really think this one through...

I Won The Lottery

Chances are, at one point or another, you have thought about what it would be like to win the lottery, what it would be like to have infinite money just by buying a ticket for a dollar. I have spent entire days thinking of nothing other than the idea of being a multimillionaire by the end of the day. It especially happens on the days when I have actually purchased a lottery ticket, like this past Tuesday. The Mega Millions jackpot was in the 180million dollar territory, and so therefore, my mom forced me to buy a ticket. She even paid for it. Well anyway, as you can see by me still blogging to pass the time, and also despite the title, I did not win. In fact, no one won. So the jackpot climbed once again, and they drew new numbers on Friday, which no one won. So again, the jackpot climbed, and now it sits at $290,000,000.00. I just wore out my zero key typing that out.

Let's think about that for a minute, shall we? I have a very handy iPhone app that I think is actually from the Mega Millions people, called iMega. On this app, it tells you what the current jackpot is, what the previous draws were, and things like that. $290,000,000.00! I include the cents because that's funny and it adds drama because there are more zeros than are necessary, while remaining factual.

When you win a big jackpot, they take a chuck out of it for taxes, yet no one ever really knows how much that chuck is. On this app, it gives an approximation of the amount you would actually take home if you won, both for the lump sum payment, and also for the annuity. If I were to win teh jackpot on this Tuesday (you bet your ass I'm buying a ticket or two) at $290,000,000, the lump sum payment would be $136,950,016. That's after taxes. Just boom, one hundred thirty six million dollars in your checking account. Well, not exactly, but you know what I mean. That also means you would be paying $156,049,984 in TAXES and whatnot. Crazy talk. That's over half your winnings. But I say, at that point, who cares? You have 136,000,000, regardless of what happens to the other 156.

The annuity is what excites me. At this jackpot level, you would get a $8,365,384 check, every year for 26 years. I'd be 53 when the payments stop coming. There is no possible way I could spend that much money by then, is there? Let's dive into these numbers a bit.

...Gets out calculator...All these numbers will be for the annuity deal.

All total, I would be paid $217,499,464 by the time I turn 53.

I would have $697,114 to spend per month.

That's $22,919 every day

That's $955 an HOUR

$15.91 a minute

If this 8.3 million dollars was more viewed as an hourly wage, like what you make for working 40 hours a week...You would be getting paid $4,357 an hour. $6,535.50 an hour on holidays. But you'd have to assume time and a half wouldn't be paid for holidays, because that would increase you're salary, wouldn't it? And at this point, is that really necessary anyway?

I think eventually I would get bored trying to figure out what to spend my daily $22,000 on. I could buy a mid-sized sedan every day for 26 years, I suppose. 9,490 Nissan Altimas.

My wife tells me she watched a documentary one time where they followed people in the aftermath of winning the jackpot and how it destroyed their lives. She claims she wouldn't want to win a jackpot because she wouldn't want her life ruined by an exorbitant amount of money. I told her I'd take my chances. I'd rather be rich and see what happens than be afraid to be rich. That just doesn't make much sense to me.

So wish me luck tomorrow, and I wish you the same. Because chances are, if I win, I'll give you some. And if you win, I would expect the same treatment.

Looking Forward

I do all my posts that I was supposed to do yesterday today. Including this one. Looking forward to 2011 gives me a feeling of uncertainty, but not necessarily in a bad way. I'm sure there are people out there that still worry about this shit economy and wonder if 2011 will improve their chances of getting a job, or perhaps just a better job than the one they currently have. Others still worry that they might lose their current job. For me, it's not this economy that drives my uncertainty but more the personal financial stuff involving adding a third member to the Perala band. It costs money to raise a child, and I want my daughter to have nice things like heat and electricity and food. I've been trying not to dwell on this aspect of the process, but I can't help myself. So in the spirit of not dwelling on the subject, I am going to move on.

2011 has the potential to be the most monumental year ever, simply because of the impending birth. Usually I would sum up a year gone by with the things I experienced, as I did yesterday. Things like sporting events, trips to far off lands and music heard. I got a feeling that from the spring onward, there won't be much of that. I could be totally wrong, because I still don't know what my life is going to be like once the baby comes. I honestly have no idea. But the idea that the new year always has the potential to be the best ever, that's whats important. It's like opening day of the baseball season or NFL season or NHL season or whatever sport you follow. If things bounce the right way, you could be a champion. Everyone is on a level playing field. Everyone has a chance to win, everyone has an equal record in the standings. It's that optimism that drives me, to think positively, that this year really could be the greatest ever. It's a starting over point, and there has to be one somewhere. You don't have to use the New Year as your starting over point. It could be your birthday or perhaps the first day of summer. For me, it's just easier to use the first of the year, because the one constant thing about all the events that happened in 2010 was the year in the date.

Do yourself a favor and make 2011 your bitch. Make it however you want it to go. Take the bullshit in stride, as much as you can, and realize that things could honestly be much worse, even if you don't believe that now. Jesus, I sound like I'm talking you out of suicide. Also, don't kill yourself in 2011, because you'll find the afterlife to be a real letdown. It won't be what you think it will be like. It will suck balls. Earth is where it's at, y'all.

Have a safe and wonderful 2011, and I'll see you all real soon.

2010: A Look Back

Well well well, what to do here? All the blogs I read are mentioning the need to skip a 2010 year in review post, because that's what everybody else is doing. Well, I was going to skip a 2010 year in review as well, for those exact reasons, but now that I think about it, doesn't it make sense for me to do one? I mean, if everybody has the same mindset, no one would do one. Someone has to do one, damn it. Maybe I won't go into super detail about it, because let's face it, if you turned on a network television station yesterday, you probably saw a "Biggest News Stories of 2010" segment somewhere.

That got me thinking, if I hadn't paid any attention to the news this past year, which most of the youth of today probably would have done if not for Twitter and the internet in general, I would not have cared about these events they talked about. Seriously, the Chilean miners story, while very inspiring and whatnot, did not affect me, as would, say, something more in my neighborhood. The oil spill mattered, but not to me directly.

The Chilean miners will go on forgotten, just like everyone else that was the flavor of the month news stories of the past 10 years. I'm sure one of the miners will fall on hard times and need help, but no one will answer, because they're not news anymore.

Personally, 2010 was a roller coaster of a year. Also, I just learned that roller coaster is two words and not one. But seriously, I made friends in Tennessee, lost friends in Tennessee, and found out I was having a baby in 2011. Close friends had a baby, which made all of our circle of friends feel all that much older. 2010 had some great moments, like playing shows in a band, then getting kicked out of that band. In October, I ventured back north for the first time since moving away, and had the privilege of being the best man for my good friend Caleb. I got to see all of my friends from back home for a couple days, which was extremely wonderful. I wish that weekend could have lasted forever.

The year in sports was alright, I guess. Like in 2003 when I fell in love with baseball harder than ever, 2010 made me fall in love with hockey like never before. The Nashville Predators made a decent run into the playoffs, only to be eliminated by the eventual Stanley Cup Champions, the Chicago Blackhawks. I attended a game on March 28th, where I sat like, 12 rows from the ice, and watched as my team fell to the much hated Detroit Red Wings. In 2010, I also finally made it to Turner Field to watch my life long love, the Atlanta Braves crush the Arizona Diamondbacks 13-1.

That was a good day. May 16th, 2010. That same day I saw Angels & Airwaves and Say Anything. That was the highlight moment of music concerts in 2010. That, or St. Patrick's Day, when my "friends" in the band Schocholautte drove down from from New York and played a show here. Friends in quotes because I had never actually met them before that day, but that night, they slept at my apartment. I had sleeping musicians and their friends and lovers sleeping all over the place. On the floor, on the spare bed, on the spare spare bed, on the couch, on an air mattress. It was pretty cool, having a band on tour stay at my house. Also, those guys were probably some of the nicest dudes I have ever met.

I don't want this to get to long, so I suppose I should wrap it up. 2010 was a year of constant change, yet as everything changed, I realized that on January 1st, 2011, where we are now, is pretty much the exact same place I was in on January 1st, 2010. On the couch of my apartment, virtually friendless (cept my wife, of course) wondering what the next year will bring. 2008 still goes down as the greatest year of my life, hands down. But I got a feeling about 2011. I got a good feeling about 2011.

Let's try to blog more than in 2010, eh?