Let's Face It

So I am currently in reading mode and not writing mode, so hang in there on this one.

I've recently rediscovered that there are funny people on the internet, much funnier than I. The style in which they are able to write is what I strive for, but it never turns out that way, I suppose. One of my favorite sites is Cracked. They are able to point out really interesting and funny/ridiculous things, and present them in a list. Let me just say, I love lists, so that's a good start. Anytime theres a list involved, I'm instantly THERE. I'm in. You got my attention. Love a good countdown. The top 6 ways to do this, or the 5 worst that, or the 12 most outrageous so-and-so's. The things they talk about are funny because usually they are true, and that makes them even funnier. They are also good at writing about it in a way that is humorous, which I guess is the point.

I also have been reading the Huffington Post a lot lately for some reason. I added a Huffington Post thingy to my iGoogle page, so every time I fire up that to check my email, I'm bombarded with a bunch of interesting things, like insight and intrigue. Their comedy section is hit or miss, but occasionally I have found things on there that made me laugh. So if you need something to laugh at, check out these sites. Do not, however, read this blog. Here, you will only have you're intelligence insulted.

What inspired me to write today was something I read in a Huffington Post article, which actually came from TMZ, where rock "icon" Brett Michaels has caused speculation that he will be replacing Simon on American Idol. I have a love/hate relationship with American Idol. I love it because I love good singers, but I hate it because it's fucking Karaoke. So I'll just say that I like American Idol. It's alright. But when it was announced that Simon would be leaving the show, I was pretty sure that would be the end. Especially because he is bringing his own talent competition from England, one which is very similar to Idol, and America's Got Talent, called the X Factor, to America. He's not only bringing his show to the States, it's going to be on the SAME NETWORK as Idol. One of the shows will most likely die, if not both. If this last season of Idol has proved nothing else, it's that we have officially scraped the bottom of the talent pool clean, as if we're just trying to get those last remnants of you're ice cream in the bottom of the bowl. You can get some on the spoon, but it's pretty unsatisfying. Too many talent shows on TV. Truth. But I guess in a gesture of the fact that there is no talent left in America, what better person to judge the talentless than their king, Mr. Michaels.

I watched bits and pieces of this past season of the Celebrity Apprentice, on which Brett Michaels was a contestant. In fact, he won the whole thing, mainly because of a sympathy vote at the end because of all his health problems. Okay, fine. In that setting, Brett Michaels was actually a likable human. I also recall watching him on his reality show, Rock of Love. On one episode, they showed him on stage with his guitar, singing some new song to a crowd of people, and I can't remember how it went, but I remember felling empty and dumber after hearing it. First off, he never played an instrument in Poison, let's make sure that's clear to all readers. (There's a chance he actually played Every Rose Has It's Thorn on guitar, but...so could every sixth grader who would have bothered to learn that song.) He was the singer and the pretty face. C.C. DeVille was the only person in the band with talent, and even that's debatable. But he was ugly, and he was just a guitar player. The success of Poison can be directly attributed to Brett, because of the swooning masses. So good lookin' (???)

So if this happens, if Brett Michaels becomes the new judge on Idol, I have a pretty good idea which show will be cancelled and it won't be the X Factor. I know that Brett has a lot of fans and followers and it would bring fans of his to the audience of the show. But I just don't see how you can put him on a show to judge other talent with a straight face. I'm all for him having a career, singing or dancing or whatever he does. I can't slight a guy for making a living. But to put him in this spot, in my opinion, is laughable. I have grown to like him as a person, mostly because of the Celebrity Apprentice, but I'm not of a fan of his music, as you may have guessed. If I met him, I would shake his hand, tell him I liked him on the Apprentice, and that I wish him well. But he's just not that talented.

Let's face it

Vote or Die

Okay so I mentioned a few weeks ago that someone had voted for the Montreal Canadiens to win the Stanley cup. This was potentially accurate at the time, but it is now WRONG!!! You are wrong, just like everyone else who voted, by proxy, for "other," whom did not make the playoffs.

It has come to light that the person that voted for the Canadiens was my lovely wife. So she wins. She's better than all of you other people because she at least knows how to cast a vote. She votes, and it's probably you non-voting bastards that didn't go out and vote against George Bush in 2004, aren't you? Jerks.

Vote or Die. Even on polls about the Stanley Cup on blogs no one reads. Vote or Die. You're freedom depends on it.

You Talkin' to Me? No, Seriously...

I don't know about you folks, but I always feel bad nodding and smiling at people when they speak, and I don't understand them. This happens a lot at my usual seat at the security desk here at work. It usually happens when I am listening to some jams on the work computer and someone walks by and says something to me. I say, "what's that?" and turn the music down. They repeat what they just said, and I still have no clue what they're talking about. So I nod and kind of make a noise like, "eh, good, yea, ha, nice, g'nite." It pretty much covers me for anything they might have said. If they said, "goodnight", the g'nite covers me. You get the picture.

This happens a lot with people of another color, if you know what I mean. I just don't know what the hell you just said. Was that English? It was?!?! Damn...

It's especially problematic when the people are walking out, not looking at me, and make a noise our of their mouths. You see, here at my workplace, there are a lot of people that use bluetooth headsets. You don't even know how many people walk towards the desk and say "Hey how ya doin?" to no one in particular, with only me in the area. They're not looking at me, so I assume they have a bluetooth headset. Then they smile at me. Still not sure if they're talking to me. I scan their head, but I can only see one side, so I still can't know for sure if they're talking to me or not. So I say to them, "eh, good, yea, ha, nice, g'nite." They smile and keep walking. Works every time. If they weren't talking to me, I can look like I was just talking to myself. Awkward situation averted, a situation caused by you, person whom I work in the same building with. You cause people to be uncomfortable, so you don't have to hold a phone to you're head. Everyone probably hates you.

Good day.

Weekly Po$t About...

How could I possibly go a week with out at least talking a little bit about music?

I've had some great ideas to use this blog for different things. I had the idea of flipping the format and making this a place for me to write short, fiction stories. I'm still thinking about doing that once in a while, but I'm not sure how good I am at that. I haven't tried it in a while. I might just do that this week. If I don't like it, I won't do it no more. The other idea I've had for the blog is to make it all music, all the time. Just make it a music blog, but I'm so spineless, I can't stick to grilling the shit music all the time, for fear of being called out.

In the history of music, in the land before the Internet, there were only so many outlets to hear new music. Ever notice how many people are fans of just a handful of bands and artists from the 60s 70s 80s, even 90s? I believe that's because there was only access to so many new artists, you were handcuffed by what others put out there. By others I mean the industry. Labels, record stores, and the radio. TV, to some extent. I didn't live in the 70's so I don't really know how much or how often musicians were actually on TV. Watch enough infomercials for the Midnight Special, and you would assume they were on all the time. I'm not sure how popular that show really was because I had never heard of it until the infomercial started playing all the time.

As I have mentioned before, we are in an age of unprecedented accessibility to music. You can seek out ANYTHING you want to hear, very very easily. Whenever someone new gets popular and changes the game, makes it different, people tend to panic. A common thought among music listeners is "This new shit sucks, what's wrong with these kids?" When in reality, when you were their age, you were listening to music that sucked to the older people, too. But it didn't suck for you. You loved it! And now, when you listen to music, you typically choose songs from your collection that you fell in love with for one reason or another from an era gone by (unless you're 14, then you're creating those memories right now, carry on)

I noticed that older music is placed on a pedestal, and is untouchable, because, well, I don't know why...Why can't I bash The Doors? They suck, but that's like, my opinion, man. Compared to other bands of the era, yeah, they suck. Bottom line. Sorry if you like The Doors. I do not care for them. Just try bad-mouthing old rock music to any older person. They will look at you like you're a retard. It's pretty funny, actually.

THE POINT: Ke$ha sucks. But that's ok, because you know what? the Backstreet Boys sucked too. So did Rod Stewart. But they sold a lot of music. All three of these artists suck for a different reason, but nonetheless, they all suck. Does it matter? Not really, just don't listen to that. But what bothers some people is the fact that Ke$ha has taken music, popular music, to the ultimate low. It's dance-y, it's catchy, it's fun. Whatever. There is always a place in pop culture for her type. But the lyrics are so (sl)utterly pointless. I will admit I have not listened to her album, because I know exactly what it will sound like. Why bother? But the thing is, her music sucks to me, but it doesn't suck to that 16 year old girl who bought her music. She obviously likes it for some reason, and I have no reason to take that away from her, nor would I want to. There is a lot of shitty music that gets made that doesn't make a hit because, well, it sucks. The kids get it, the older people, with different musical experiences, don't. And when I was 18, listening to whatever the new thing was then, the older people would say that sucks, because they're not me. They didn't get it.

But do we really need another party girl to watch destroy herself? I think the bigger question is, why is it always women that are in these situations? I mean, she is the one to make the decision to be a public ho-bag, but there is awholenother subject about the standards of women in pop culture versus men. And quite frankly, you don't have time to hear me explain my feelings on that.

People need someone to pay attention to, so they can forget about their shitty lives. She will have a few more minor hits, become even more of a train wreck, and we will be forced to notice, because the entertainment media loves this type of person. It makes them money, they can see she will be a train wreck, so they're getting ready to sell magazines by propping her up now, because it's pretty obvious there will be a spectacular fall from grace. I have no emotion about that. It's just the way it works. Look at Brittany Spears and Lindsey Lohan. Next up, Ke$ha. But it's sad that that's the way it works. But, it sucks because it has no substance, except perhaps substance abuse. Not all music has to have substance, but it's better when it does. There is no changing the way people think, and why would you want to, anyway?

Yes, Ke$ha is what's wrong with the music today, but what does it matter? She is a place holder until the next, newest all time low comes along. (not the band, all time low, btw. though they used to be better than they are now, they're still alright in my book.) Ke$ha is what we look to for guidance on what to not listen to. Unless you REALLY like to party, and just want to dance to whatever.

C'mon, Pittsburgh. You CAN do it.

Good morning, world! How are you today? Isn't this a fine Sunday? Hope you're doing well and that the rest of you're day is great.

Let me talk to you this morning about baseball. Do you like baseball? I know I do, I love baseball. America's Pastime. Pastime is defined by Mirriam-Webster dictionary as "something that amuses and serves to make time pass agreeably." That's baseball! Some have argued that football has taken over as our national pastime, but I will disagree here. While I would say that football has become the most popular sport in America, and easily the most watched and followed, baseball is the pastime of our nation, if not the favorite sport. Baseball is not intended to be an action-packed game of excitement, in which you devote entire days sitting on the couch watching. Baseball is a game you throw on the radio, TV, or you attend in person, to hang out, relax, and enjoy a game. Granted, there are moments of intensity involved in baseball games. A close game, in the late innings, especially in September or October, can be as intense as any football game. But the fact that major league baseball is played for 7 months, with 162 games, a weekend series against the Pittsburgh Pirates just isn't that intense. But that's what makes baseball so great. It's to be taken as a casual game played among millionaires in the heat of the summer. Just hangin' out, playin' ball. Love it.

Speaking of the Pittsburgh Pirates, I don't know if you know much about that team, but they are not a very good team. In fact, they have been bad for quite some time now. You could safely say that the team has been pitiful for at least 17 years. It was 1992, the last season the Pirates had a winning record. 1992, I was nine years old and in the fourth grade. George H. W. Bush was the President. Right around the time the Pirates were wrapping up this last winning season, Nick Jonas was born, if that helps visualize the length of this futility. The Pirates have become Major League Baseball's farm team (farm team meaning minor league teams that send the good players to the big leagues when they're ready to play.)

They are constantly searching for success, while keeping their budget ridiculously low, rarely paying big name players to play there. The estimated 2010 payroll of the Pirates is $34.9 Million. Alex Rodriguez is making $33 million HIMSELF this season.

You can't compare the Pirates payroll to the Yankees, they're in their own league as far as spending money on players, even if it's fun to try. Take a middle of the road team like Cincinnati, which is similar in size of market, including geographically located in the middle of the country, as well as in the same division in the National League, as well as futility in the teams recent past, and they're payroll is $72.3. The San Diego Padres and the Texas Rangers both rank in the bottom four of the MLB payrolls, yet both of those teams are in first place in their divisions, as of this writing. So payroll shouldn't matter if the team is run correctly. All I'm saying is that Pittsburgh is bad, and probably will be bad for a long time, and it's sad that those fans in that great city haven't seen a winner for a while, and won't see one in even longer. Baseball is too great a game to be forgotten about in such a wonderful city. The Pirates have won 5 World Series championships in their history, and there are only 5 teams in baseball that have won more championships than Pittsburgh. It should be factored in that the Pirates have been a Major League team for 120 years. Most of baseball's championships have gone to either the Yankees and the Cardinals, taking 37 of them combined in the 105 World Series' played. That's 35% right there.

But I digress. If you can't get people to the ballpark to watch a game, no one is paying them money to go get better players. If they can't get better players, they can't be a better team, and no one wants to come out to the park to see a bad team. It is baseball's ultimate Catch 22. Revenue sharing is supposed to help, where the big markets share monies with the smaller market teams, but that's not even the answer to me. Look at a team like the Tampa Bay Rays. They are just as much a small market team as Pittsburgh, with only 11 seasons under their belt, and they made the World Series in 2008. The Florida Marlins, who play games in a football stadium in front of about 2,000 people, who have only been a team since 1993, have won two World Series'...in less time than the Pirates have had since their last winning season, I might remind you. If a team can start from nothing, with no one, and no history, and can get players and win a Championship in THREE YEARS like the expansion team Arizona Diamondbacks did in 2001, then there's no reason the Pirates couldn't turn it around and do it quickly.

The Pirates are one of the original 16 teams from the olden days of baseball, and I would love nothing more than to see them gain success in the near future, because that city deserves it. If they keep making poor personnel decisions, both player personnel and management, they will continue to embarrass themselves year after year as they have done for Nick Jonas' entire life. To show that this season is no different than the past 17, and potentially worse, they were outscored by the lowly Milwaukee Brewers 54-3 in three games this past April. That's an average of game score of 18-1...Three times in a row. I can promise you that if a player on the team starts to play well in the near future, he will be traded to a different team for other young prospects. It has happened consistently in their recent history, because they just seem like a team that doesn't want to win, and they blame it on financial restraints. Small market teams complaining about being a small market team is getting old and worn, because you can't use that argument anymore. Look at the Rays. Look at the Rangers and Padres this season. You can win, if you want to. Just do a better job, Pittsburgh.

Do a better job.

Used Words

I sit here, looking at the blank screen, on which I'm supposed to use the keyboard to type things that, as I say on my twitter, are the things I think about. No one wants to read about how I am having a hard time thinking of topics to entertain myself and the reader. I don't want to just throw down words of which I don't know enough about the subject, as I did with the water conservation topic I covered last week, but I am also too lazy to research anything to inform the people. So I think I'll just bullshit my way through this one...

I had a thought. Sometimes after I read something, especially from a physical source, like a newspaper or a magazine, I feel like the words are now used. And anyone who reads that paper after me will be reading used words. Like if I hand the paper to my usual weekday coworker, and she reads an article, then I read the same article, those are used up words. I can't give her the highlights of the article, because she already read it, so why do I bother? If I don't read a section of a the paper, I feel like those are wasted words. They were printed because they felt you should read that. You should know what they had to say or report on. By not reading the Local and Business section, I am neglecting the writer. This is not true, some people I'm sure only read that section, as that is usually the part that actually pertains to peoples lives in the distribution area, assuming there wasn't some really big news that would place the story on the front page, or main section. Sometimes I decide to read it, but mostly I'm ready to move on to video games or whatever after i finish the main section. When I do read that Local section, though, seems that I usually find a bit of information in that section that I'm really glad I read, or else I would have missed out. I need to do a better job on that section from now on. I don't want those words to go unread. I don't want to hurt their feelings.

But seriously, I always felt like, when in a waiting room somewhere like a doctors office or something, when you read the crumpled weeks old copy of US Weekly or People, that you know those words have been read by a whole bunch of people. It feels like the thrift store of words. You know they were used, because they look used, but you don't really know by how many. The thought scares me a little. You are not the first to discover these words, specifically. They're used, and it's old news.

I wonder if a writer knows how many people will read what they are writing when they write it? I know that there will be...oh, say, 5 people reading this. Tops. I know that I can just write whatever, and I don't mean to get all hostile but, I like that you people are reading this and all, but I don't care if you do or not. I just like to write words, man. I'm going to write it anyway. That's it for me. I like it because I get to put thoughts down onto digital whatevers. If you like it, I appreciate it. You would have never made it this far if you weren't mildly interested, right?

Thank you for using these words. They feel the love.

Taking Small Things For Granted

365 days ago, I got into my Volkswagen Passat, and started driving south. 14 hours and 960-some-odd miles later, I was in middle Tennessee. Save for the trip to Atlanta this past weekend, I haven't left yet. I miss home, but I'm glad to be where I am, because this is a life experience. I've talked enough about that, though. What's really got me going this morning has nothing to do with my current location.

Tuesday morning, I awoke like usual, and grabbed the newspaper from outside my apartment door, as usual. The next thing that is the usual, that's where it gets unusual. I ground up my coffee beans, and put them in the filter in the coffee maker. I added the water, and plugged the coffee maker in to the wall outlet. I hit the brew button, and...nothing. Nothing happened. I hit the brew button again, aghast that it didn't do what it was supposed to do, and it just sat there, looking at me, while I looked at it. The coffee maker was broken. It's weird how things will just stop working properly sometimes. It's one of those things you rely on, but don't think much about. I make coffee every morning in that coffee maker, and it's always just there, working, ready to brew delicious coffee. When it didn't work, I didn't know what to do, immediately. Like I said, it was morning, so I'm not thinking clearly. I remembered that we have a french press that is an alternate way to brew coffee, though not as efficent, because you use more beans for less brewed coffee. So at least I can still make coffee, but I was probably more shocked at the fact that there was something I relied on and it just...stopped working.

So now I gotta buy a new coffee maker. That one wasn't even that old. 2 or 3 years, I believe. In the meantime, I'll be drinking the coffee from the french press, and all the sludge that comes with it. I'm not complaining about having to make coffee in the french press, because it works just fine, I just wasn't expecting it.

The (different) City! (Time to search for my favas kiwwa!)

Alright, so as I have described in great detail in the past, I moved to Nashville a year ago, and hangin' out in this city has felt like I was on a year long vacation. I lived in that small town, and I remember when we would go on a trip, weather it was with Upward Bound, or with the high school band, we would go to a metropolitan area, and it was a cool feeling to be in that environment. The city! What excitement! All the hustle and bustle of the big city, cars everywhere, people in a hurry, checking their watches with their coat over their arm, carrying a briefcase, waving down a taxi. You know the image.

Well, this past weekend, I traveled to another big city, Atlanta, GA. That feeling of being in a special place was lost. It was just another area with a lot of people and tall buildings. Taller, prettier buildings, might I add. It was not nearly as intimidating to traverse the area, because that's the type of driving I do most of the time now. Big city driving, getting over three lanes on the interstate so you don't miss you're exit, not turning down one-way streets, things like that. That feeling of awe at the hustle and bustle, that was all gone. It was a weird feeling, not caring about the big city atmosphere.

So yeah, now all I have left to do is stand in awe of something bigger. That's why I stand naked in front of mirrors.

Shhhhhhh...

You know what I can't stand? Loud motorcycles. Yup, pretty annoying. You know when you're out somewhere, hell even if you're in your house, and you hear that loud rumble somewhere near you, and you are immediately aware that it's the sound of a motorcycle, and you're thinking, "wow that's annoyingly loud, is that necessary?" Then you know what happens? It gets even louder. And then it goes even louder. And all you can say is "fuck, really? What the fuck, motorcycle."

Another culprit is loud trucks. Fuck you and your loud truck. No one cares. I hate that shit. I've never seen the advantage of owning a truck, unless you like to drive in the woods or dirt roads.

Have I ever mentioned that I hate truck commercials? I feel like I have. If not, you're gonna hear it again. Like in truck commercials, when the truck is shown having 24 bags of concrete dropped into the bed of the truck, and the dust flies, like if to say "this truck works hard and you do too."

I hate when you're on the road and it's night time, and a truck is behind you. You are a sensible person so you drive a car. Cars make sense because you drive on roads, where cars are intended. Trucks are useless as a commuter vehicle. They just cost a lot to fill up the gas tank. I understand the need to feel safer when in a crash. You would like to feel like you're driving a tank that when in a crash, you'll just fuck up the other guy, but you'll be alright. But that truck, in your rear view mirror, blinding you, making you irritated. I've pulled over to let the annoying truck pass me before, because I can't fucking see whats in front of me anymore. I just don't have any need for a truck. Especially a loud ass truck.

I drank a lot of coffee before writing this. Have a nice day.

Water

From the information I have gathered, the average American uses about 152 gallons of water per day. That number is absolutely astounding to me. It's one of those things that you do directly everyday that you don't even think about. Think of how many times you flush the toilet, taking a shower everyday, making some tea, running the dishwasher, the clothes washer...washing your car. It all adds up. Now think of how many people there are in the USA...That's a whole lot of water.

I didn't think about how much water I went through each day until the Nashville flood of a couple weeks ago. When one of our water treatment plants was flooded, we only had half of our cities reserves to use. That meant they wanted all residents to cut their water usage in half. The dishes piled up, the laundry piled up, and the showers got less lengthy. I did my part, and so did everyone else, so I've heard, because the conservation worked. The water reserve went back up to normal levels, and there was no need to worry. I hope the people of Nashville learned a valuable lesson from the avoided water crisis. We don't need to waste so much water. Water is not really renewable, but, I don't know the science of it, but I know they can treat it. I don't know what that means or if that is really a permanent solution, I honestly never thought about it, especially when I used to live next to the largest fresh water lake in the world. There was plenty of clean water around. Here, we got a river...and I know it's much worse in places like Arizona, which is a fucking desert, by the way. How can all those millions of people live in an area nowhere near a large water source? I don't get it. So many questions, I have, about water. I do know that I am working on shortening my showers from now on, if for no other reason than to reduce our water bill, because if I learned one thing from the Nashville flood, is that I can do better an conserving.

Homo-nership

One of my best good friends just bought a house. I'm really happy for them, and it's really cool and all, but I have wondered for a long time if homeownership is the answer for me.

Now, I know they had a terrible landlord in the house they had been renting, which would drive anyone into changing their situation, but I have not had such a problem in my adult life. Adult life, meaning since, like, 2004. Granted, I have lived in apartment buildings since 2003, which kinda sucks because you can't really play drums in one of those. Well, you can, but I'm not rude. The point being, I have thought about my own homeownership before, and am pretty torn between the two options.

On one hand, you own something. You are a proud owner and get to do whatever you want. If you want a room with black walls and ceiling, with neon yellow carpet and and neon paint splattered on the walls with black lights in every corner, and a disco ball hanging in it, while rave music plays in it constantly, YOU CAN DO THAT. You own the house. You can mess with it all you want. Want new kitchen cabinets? Go buy some and put them in. You want a big 13 foot privacy fence so you can lay out naked in your back yard, go for it...as long as the city allows such a blockade...check with your cities codes people, I guess. You can party in it, shit on the floor, clean it up, and scream at the top of your lungs in YOUR house, if one was so inclined. Paint the outside Smurf blue, for all I care.

On the other hand, you and your family (doesn't have to be anyone else but you, I suppose) are asleep in you're comfy bed one night, and all of a sudden, you're awoken by a thundering rumble. You get out of bed to find out what it is, and it turns out that ice has built up on the edges of you're house, so much so that it has ripped off the fascia of you're roof. On top of that, it's freezing cold in this place. Oh, what's that? The furnace is shot? Oh and you don't have electricity in the back half of the house, where the kitchen is? Guess who has to pay to fix all of that? That's right, you, my friend. All this just happend after you just dropped $900-$2300 on something that can't be refunded, like a trip or youth soccer, or that donation you're alma mater. Have fun.

Now, let's go back to the renter. All these problems described above have just happened to the renter, as well. It's a full moon, I think. Renter picks up the phone and calls Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. landlord or land lady, and fills them in on all that has gone wrong with the house.

"Thanks, come on out and fix it, I appreciate it."

The point, homeownership, while it brings a great sense of accomplishment, and says you are successful at something, and provides you the freedom to do whatever you want with you're dwelling, has it's drawbacks. The key is figuring out if you want to take that risk. You never know, you could also be stuck with a shitty landlord as well, who doesn't come out and fix any of the problems you have just encountered. Now you're sitting you're house, freezing, eating Taco Bell, stepping over a pile of aluminum every time you walk out to the garage. So owning the property could be better. Just depends on your own situation, and what level of bullshit you are willing to put up with. For me, I will most likely own a house someday, but I will look at my options of renting before I just go out and buy one. If you buy a house, it's harder to get out from under that than a lease. But you know, I mean, what could go wrong with our financial situations in the next 10 years?

I'm just sayin' keep that in mind.

17 and Flammable.

When I put my fingers to these keys this morning, I have no idea what's about to come out.

Last night, I was working here at the Security desk as usual, when someone came up here and cleaned their hands with their hand sanitizer key chain. First off, I thought it funny that she had a hand sanitizer key chain in the first place, but when I caught a whiff of the alcohol that was wafting from her fingertips, all I could smell was Vodka. It actually smelled a lot like Vomitorium brand Vodka. (just seeing if you're paying attention). But no, seriously, the scent of Vodka on a Friday night made me feel 17 or 18 again. It's amazing how one drinking experience can leave such a lasting memory on you, especially, a bad memory.

You always meet someone who says something like, "I can't eat or drink anything that smells like peaches, because I drank too much schnapps when I was 16 and puked all over my mom's mini-van. If I smell peaches, I want to hurl." ...Or something along those lines. Everyone knows that if you drink too much, it can cause you to spew. No one likes to barf, but it happens. So you try to avoid puking at all costs. If something reminds you that what this does is cause you to puke, even if it's something as harmless as peach-scented air freshener, it triggers something in you brain of a time long ago, in a different time of your life when that scent, that action, caused an adverse reaction, one in which you would like to avoid. Thankfully, I have not such experience, except for the 151 incident at Crawford's back in 2001...but that didn't leave a lasting memory on me. I mean, not in a puking way. It did, however, make me not like to drink liquor, whether it's in shots or mixed drinks. It gives me the chills and makes me want to...hurl. So I guess it's not so much the scent that does it to me, but more the burning sensation in my throat.

The main thing this woman unintentionally did was conjure up a memory of my first time ever drinking. It was, as you could have guessed, Vodka. Not just any Vodka, by the way, but 5 O'Clock Vodka.

In my research of 5 o'clock vodka, was looking for a website or something to site something about the company. I guess they don't have one, because why would anyone want to go to it. The shit is terrible. What I did find is a product called the Vodkastick, which filters out impurities in cheap vodka, I guess. Serious sidtrack there...

No, seriously, the first time I drank it was in a friends basement, drinking 5 o'clock out of a little plastic cup, like the kind you might find as a rinse cup for their kids after they brush their teeth. He just poured me a cup full, and I just sipped on it. Then, once I had drank about half of it, I added some coke to it, to make it about half coke, half cheap vodka. Can you understand why I don't like Vodka, to this day?

I will admit I have drank some more quality vodkas since then, and have enjoyed it, but it still gives me the chills a bit. That night could have gone very badly, very quickly for me. I did not understand the power of hard liquor at the age of 17. I watched as a friend had a "shot contest" with another partier, and was promptly carried out of the house, with everyone in quite the panic, because of, first of all, the underage-ness of her, and all of us. Secondly, her dad was a cop. Third, she drank way too much and we were worried about her life, a little bit. That part was probably blown out of proportion, because we were kids drinking, and we were not that cool, so we figured the worst would probably happen. It didn't, and all ended up being OK, but I think that situation could have gotten a lot of people in a lot of trouble. So that's how one drinking experience can have a lasting memory. If she hadn't drank too much and passed out and had all those problems, I probably would have been her, because I didn't know what I was doing, and I wouldn't have known when to stop. I learned a valuable lesson on how to know when you've had too much to drink, and it stayed with me these past 10 years. Now when I smell hand sanitizer, it makes me think of responsibility. Also, it makes me think of trying to play a guitar while shit-faced, and smacking it off stuff, while other sober folks try to coax me to put the instrument down, for the instrument's sake...

I'll never forget that night.

A Yooper in Nashville

Yesterday, I wrote a little reminder to all y'all that I'm not dead. I had to do it remarkably fast because I was at work. Now, I'm home, and I'm taking a break from cleaning the apartment to type some words.

First off, I wanted to point out an interesting finding I came across. I put a reader poll up about the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and more importantly, who my readers think would win the Cup. It was posted and closed before the first round even ended, and like usual lately, I only received one vote. The vote, as you can see, if for the Montreal Canadiens. At the closing time of the poll, that prediction seemed a bit far-fetched. (*note, I actually don't know if that poll closed before the Habs upset the Caps in the first round, but I think this is the case. Also, I'm pretty sure whoever voted there voted before that epic win, so it's most likely true) Turns out that prediction has a real good chance of coming true. So I'm going to leave that up there, so all readers can see how awesome that one voter was.

I had this amazing feeling of cool city hipster this morning, as I drove down I-440. I was sipping on a Grande coffee from Starbucks, smoking a Camel, listening to the Big Dave and Company Podcast, heading to Whole Foods. As I looked to the skyline to my left, feeling haggard considering the hour of my journey to the grocery store, I felt like I was a part of the city, not just a resident, but someone that you would look at and say, "he looks like a city boy" or something like that. I never felt like I fit into the country, small-town atmosphere. No idea why that is because that's where I come from, but I guess I've seen enough images of "city folk" in my day that I felt that's where I want to be. I like living in a city. All things I want are a short drive away. There's just stuff going on, and I like activity.

Next week, on the 21st, that will be my one year anniversary here in Nashville. My prospective of the difference between the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and Nashville, TN, is really becoming less easy to point out. Not that I totally forgot what it was like to live in the UP, but I feel more a part of this city now than before, and I like it here so much. I really do. And that makes easier to forget the UP. I have to learn to forget it, because it's still painful sometimes not being there. I've completely come to terms with what my life is right now, and I really like what has happened. I used to wonder everyday, "what am I doing in Tennessee?" now I say to myself everyday "I love my life."

I'm a proud Tennessean, and a proud Nashvillain. Villain!

So What, Who Cares?

Holy fuck, where have I been?

So much has happened since we last spoke. Nashville went under water, then dried out, but the damage was done. I have about 247 blog ideas, but found other things to do instead. Finally got addicted to an iPhone app, and it has nothing to do with Twitter.

I have a pretty wicked tooth ache right about now, and this is not good. Last time I was in this situation, it was honestly the worst pain I ever felt. Well, it hasn't progressed that far, but I'm scared it will.

I'm going to Hotlanta this weekend. I am going to see an Atlanta Braves game at Turner Field. This has been a dream of mine since I was a little boy. Hard to believe that it's happening in 3 days from now.

On the same day of the ballgame, I'm going to see Angels & Airwaves with special guest Say Anything. This should be an amazing weekend.

The flood should really be talked about by me more here, but maybe in a few days I will do that. Maybe not. I got stuck at an alternate job site during the flood situation, which sucked. That contributed to my bloglessness. Also, the computer at work was down last weekend, so I couldn't write anything. Plus, I am eternally lazy.

So I think that's it. I was just letting you know that I'm back. I swear it this time, I'm really going to try harder. I can do better.

I can be the greatest blogger in the world.

Got Married

You know, its been over a year now, and it feels like a generation ago, but there are still some decisions I made in and around my wedding last January that I can't help but regret. I know that I was under intense pressure to do things correctly, and make sure all were happy, but there are certainly some decisions I made that I would like to go back and change. I know that no one would care, and they were understanding of the decisions I had to make, but some of the other mistakes I made were pretty dumb.

First off, I STILL worry that it looked like I was slighting a good friend, and one of my best friends in the whole world that day, by asking him to be my pianist, and not standing next to me with my brother and new bride. I hope I made it clear enough, on that day and leading up to the day and after the day, that having him in that position was in no way a slight to him. I wanted to include as many of my closest friends as I could in Tuxedos. This was the logical decision then, because he is the best pianist I know. There was no stupid order or ranking of my friends with whom were dressed up nicely. All were equal! At least that's how I viewed it in my mind. I certainly hope no one would feel like they were slighted. I feel like I slighted them though, in a way, just because I wish they all could have been my best men. They are the best men I know, though. So, I don't know I hope they understand. I say they because I'm including the ushers, too.

Second thing I regret is only inviting two of the security supervisors to the shindig. Why did I only choose two? Why didn't I just invite all of them, knowing some of them would have to work anyway? What the hell is wrong with me? And to make me feel even more stupid for my stupid decision, neither of the ones I actually invited showed up, and one that invited as a "come later and drink with us" guest, actually showed up. What a mistake. Why didn't I just invite him outright? What was the purpose of only inviting him later? To make me feel bad for leaving out people I like?

I don't know, these things have just bothered me for quite some time now. Carry on.

I Wanna Look Like That Guy

As of this moment, I'm pretty positive I will not be moving to Tumblr. I have no interest in it, now that a certain 15 year old is not around to convince me that I should do such a thing. Also, I would like to continue spelling that word with the extra E they decided to leave out. No, I'm having a hard enough time being a good Blogger to move to another site. Not that moving to another site would make things harder or easier to update, but you know what I mean. Oh, you don't know what I mean? Me either.

So I'm trying to be a good blogger now. I'm doing my best.

So the summer is creeping ever closer, and with the summer comes swimming weather. It also brings with it severe thunderstorms, and hot steering wheels. Also, sweltering band practices. Which one do you want to hear about?

Imma go with swimming weather.

I decided to go for a run in the fitness center last week because of this reason, mainly. Also, my other band mates are all running and working out to look good, and become superstars. So I decided to do my part and go for a run on the treadmill as well. I have always had a little bit of extra bits on me, some would call it "more to love." I call it unsightly, but that's my opinion, man. I don't care what others look like, and society has told me that I should look like "exhibit A" in this ad, or whatever. Cool, I'll buy it. I should look like these people, because image is important to me. I do want to look good, but I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm pretty lazy. The only way to look like those people is to go work out. Keyword for me in that phrase is work. Man, running is hard. My legs were pretty sore on Wednesday, the day after the workout. By the way, this is what I was doing instead of blogging. I was running. Which is healthy, and blogging equals sitting on the ol' ass. I should figure out a way to run, and blog! I wonder if there's a audio transcriber or something that I can talk into while running, that will write what I say, and post it!

Doubtful.

Sometimes, through all my attempted deepness, and my wanna be Art-ness, I am pretty superficial. I know this. I also have a bit of an ego. I feel like it takes someone with an ego to have a twitter like mine. You must have a feeling of deep self-importance to be able to put the stuff you're doing and thinking about out there for whoever feels like reading it, and assume people care. I like confidence, I respect it. The point being that maybe I use web-confidence as a mask for my unhappiness of my weight, which really isn't that bad of a problem. I'm 6 feet tall, and weigh 223 on the home scale in the morning, and 233 on the scale in the gym here at work, later in the day, with all my clothes on, so it's somewhere in there. It's enough of a problem for me to feel that I need to do something about it. There are people that look much chubbier than I and don't really way that much more than me, so I don't get it. Maybe it's my massive muscles?

So I want to get into swimming shape, so I look good at the pool. I also want to look good on stage and in photo shoots, and paparazzi pics. (I'm amazed right now that I spelled Paparazzi correctly on the first try.) I want to look like that guy. But it's a lot of work, and I don't know if I'm up for it. We shall see.

Goodbye, Goodbuys

Friday morning I got some terrible news. Not terrible on the level of, like, someone is ill, or something really tragic is going to happen. No, more like a chunk of my ability to discover new and wonderful music is being taken away.

I got an email telling me that the music service Lala.com is being shut down as of May 31st. If you'll notice the convenient music player I have in the upper left hand corner of you're screen, which makes listening to music while reading possible on my lovely blog, that's from Lala. I was advised to check out the site this past November, and I was pretty impressed with the site. If you're not familiar with the service, basically, you can stream any song in the world (at least the ones they have the rights to) one time, no matter what. If you want to stream it again, you pay 10 cents to be able to stream it unlimitedly. You can listen to your library from any computer, but you can't take it with you on a CD or MP3 player, but that's okay if you listen to music on your computer anyway. I often times just use a computer to play songs, so the service was a very cost-effective way for me to hear new and notable music for free, or for a very low price. If i haven't mentioned it before, which I believe I have, I do not steal music as of early 2008. This site gave me a easy way to hear/preview music before deciding if I wanted to purchase it in another form in the future. I'd buy the web album for like, a dollar, stream the hell out of it, and if I like it, I'll buy it for real on iTunes or buy the CD from a store. Examples of music I bought on Lala and then bought again in another format in the near future are The Swellers, Thrice, and fun.. There is a lot of great music out there and it is also expensive to collect. I will miss Lala very much when it is gone. In the mean time, I'm going to use the hell out of the site so that when it's gone, I will have a better idea of what I will procure in another format, weather it's on iTunes, or CD from my local record shop.

When I heard that Apple had bought the service a while back, I was wondering if they would shut it down, or let it be. I was hoping they would just let it be and reap the rewards, albeit much smaller rewards. iTunes makes bank on 99 cent and dollar twenty-nine tracks. I'm no math whiz, but I believe ten cent tracks, is less money coming in. This doesn't surprise me that they're shutting it down, but nonetheless it's disappointing. They are at least being kind enough to give me iTunes store credit for my purchases on Lala, which from what my mathematical brain tells me is about $15, so now I will just have to figure out which music I have in my Lala collection I want to own from iTunes. It'll still be a fraction of the music I was able to buy on Lala, but it's better than nothing. The thing that really sucks about this is that I can't change my song on my blog now, because that option has been disabled...so you're stuck with Circa Survive for a while. Good song, though!

Total bummer, this is.

Predictions in Film/the All-Timers

Saturday mornings. Love it. I love working by myself. I really don't like people all that much. Well, I hate people but I love gatherings.

"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you." -Silent Bob

I was thinking about Clerks randomly this morning. I really like that movie. It got me thinking about where it would rank in my list of all-time favorite movies. As I was thinking about it, I realized that I don't watch a whole hell of a lot of movies, and I sure as hell don't go out buying DVDs, like some people do. I own a very small number of movies, because I'm just not that interested in watching a movie more than once or twice. That being said, it would take an especially good movie for me to not only own it, but be able to watch it at any given time, on any given day, during any given circumstance. When I think about my all-time favorite movies, a few immediately pop into my head. Fight Club, Back to the Future (all of them) and Clerks. Fight Club, I always loved that movie, but the book is honestly better. Chuck Palahniuk is easily my favorite author, and it was because of this movie that this is the case. I watched the movie back in 2000, and have basically been a big fan of it ever since. I owned it on VHS, but never bought it on DVD. That's a great movie, but probably not my favorite of all-time.

So it comes down to Clerks or the Back to the Future trilogy. While I know many lines from Clerks, and can say them along with watching the movie, I pretty much know every line from the Back to the Future trilogy by heart. I could honestly watch the movies in my head, without missing any parts, if I wanted to. It's pretty easy to pick Clerks as your favorite movie. It's an indie film, so that gives you cred. It's smart, funny, and a cult classic. It's a movie I can watch with friends and they will all enjoy it. This can also be said about another classic that I would throw into the conversation if I knew it stood a chance of winning the argument, which is The Big Lebowski. Another cult classic, and another easy, respectable choice for all-time favorite. I have some great memories of watching that movie, especially with TJ. But I know that won't win as my all-time favorite.

No, the winner of my all-time favorite movie(s) is the Back to the Future trilogy. It's the obvious choice. I could watch the movies anytime. They're funny, they're exciting, they have everything. Time travel has always been a fun concept to me, and these movies do it great. The only problem I have, when looking at the movies now a days is, when you think about it, the entire part 2 needn't have happened. Travel to the future to prevent an incident from happening that HASN'T EVEN HAPPENED YET? You know how to prevent that? Keep the incident in you mind for the next 30 years, and when the day is coming up, just tell young Marty Jr. not to go to the Cafe 80's. Tell him that Griff is a bad dude and you don't need to be hangin' around that sort of riff-raff. Even Doc Brown admits that the future hasn't been written yet and your future is whatever you make of it, "so make it a good one" at the end of the third movie. So They didn't need to go to the future, but for good cinema, they wanted to show you what the future will look like.

Also, in Back to the Future part 2, the future scenes take place in the year 2015. That's only 5 years away and it's looking like they're not even close on their prediction of flying cars. Speaking of movies that predict the future, there's another movie that may have been way closer to getting it right, though it's too far off to tell at this point. The movie is Demolition Man, with Stalone and Snipes. For a very interesting look at the predictions made by the movie, please check out this website. I recommend it highly! Highlights from the list "As of 2003, the parole system as you know it was made obsolete." They also mention the "Schwarzenegger Presidential Library," which in my opinion is a pretty good prediction in 1993. I don't think anyone would have predicted at the time that he would eventually go on to become Governor of the state of California. So that's pretty neat.

Movies are great. Sometimes. Usually I'm just too ADD to sit down for 2 hours with a movie. But when I do, I'm usually happy I did.